Monday, May 29, 2017

Britton Never, Never, Never Finds The Plate : Tuesday, September 9th, 1969

Scores

MON 5, PIT 2  W-Stoneman 5-15 L-Blass 15-7  S-Face(16)

CHI 5, NY 3  W-Abernathy 5-8 L-Cardwell 6-8  S-Regan(17)  HR-Swoboda(6)

STL 7, PHI 4  W-Washburn 9-14 L-J.Johnson 5-20  HR-Brock(6) Hisle(9)

LA 5, ATL 2 (14inns)  W-Brewer 4-4 L-Britton 0-2  S-Foster(2)  HR-Jackson(1)

CIN 11, SF 3  W-Maloney 18-9 L-Perry 18-8  HR-McCovey(28) Rose(22) Tolan(15)

SD 5, HOU 2  W-Roberts 5-13 L-Billingham 2-12  S-Reberger(17)  


Britton does not rule the waves or anything else. He's a schmo.
The good news for Dodger haters was that the Dodgers had all sorts of trouble with Milt Pappas and Paul "Popeye" Doyle, and trailed 2-1 going into the 9th at Atlanta.  The bad news is, that the Dodgers then naturally tied the score off of suddenly putrid Cecil Upshaw. Would Sonny Jackson's first and only homer of the season go to waste? Would your Impartial Goddess say bad words yet again at a Dodgers game? The contest proceeded scorelessly until there were two out in the top of the 14th and nobody on. Fatso Jim Britton, pressed into service in the marathon, then surrendered a stupid little bloop single by Jim Lefebvre that barely got over first sacker Tommie Aaron's head.  On the old boards it would have been the third out, but no. How Jim Britton longs for the old boards in use when he was printed and life was good! So upset was he, that he promptly issued walks to Maury "Maur-r-r-r-rice" Wills, Willie "Call me Joan" Crawford and Manny Mota, giving the Tinseltown nine a 3-2 lead. Coming completely unraveled, he then served up a two-run single to Willie Davis. Although Davis was thrown out at second, it gave the Dodgers a 5-2 lead that Alan Foster preserved for the win and the 2-game sweep. 

Mistaken for a small rodent, Rico gets picked up by the Eagle Uber.
Lost in the disgusting spectacle of the latest Dodger win was the untimely death of the Braves' Rico Carty. Rico becomes the first player to go out for the season with an injury after being carried away by an eagle and fed to the eaglets high in their aerie. Sorry, Big Mon! You're bird food! Rico finishes with 21, 60 and .283 as compared to 16, 58 and three forty-something.  

"Watch me get shellacked!"
The Reds completed their dismantling of the Giants pitching staff, jumping on Gaylord Perry for 11 earned runs in less than 4 innings. Gaylord only lasted that long because of the depleted state of the San Franciso bullpen after yesterday's doubleheader slugfest. In his past two starts, Perry's e.r.a. has ballooned from a league-leading 1.64 to above 2.10. Meanwhile, Jim Maloney's crackerjack injury-free campaign continues as he joins the top winners in the league with his 18th triumph. Bobby Tolan homered in each of the three games against the Giants.

"Is 5-20 good? Hey...is...hello?"
In the east...well, who gives a shit about the east anymore? The Cardinals will win it. I would be remiss, however, if I failed to mention Jerry Johnson of the Phillies joining the 20-game losers club. You've got to be a good pitcher to lose 20 games. Wait, no you don't.  Jerry sucks. Nonetheless, wasted Cardinal brass, sprawled amid empty gin bottles, cried, "We MUST acquire Johnson immediately after the season! Give them Flood, McCarver, Carlton, anybody, just get Johnson!" So weird, right?
Ouija predicts a St. Louis win.

1 comment:

ARAIG Giants said...

So enjoyable to read. Except for the Giants. C'mon Giants!