We Have A Winner!

Ermagerd! We have a winner! As those few haggard and heavily medicated souls who keep tabs on my replays know, the last position player--on a roster from opening day--to not have a hit wins the coveted (?) Paul Schaal Award. The award is so named because, in my very first Cadaco All-Star Baseball spinner league, Paul Schaal was that guy. Don't be that guy! (But someone always is. Someone always must be!)

On July 1st, 1956, the New York Giants played the Pittsburgh Pirates at Forbes Field. The race for the PSA was down to two contestants: George Wilson of NY and Gino Cimoli of Brooklyn. As the Giants pounded Pirate pitching for four home runs (Mays 16, White 13, Thompson 13, Rhodes 3) and sprinted out to a big lead behind their ace Johnny Antonelli, the rest of the story was that NY outfielders were getting scarce. Brandt batted once before getting injured for 6 games. Then Mueller got tossed by plate umpire "Hell" Enkeller for beefing about a called third strike. With Dusty Rhodes already in the game in place of Brandt, the choice was between Lennon and Wilson. Seeing that Lennon was still in bed with Yoko, Giants skipper Bill Rigney gave the nod to George Wilson. His second trip to the plate, with two runners on, George muscled a long drive to the far depths of spacious Forbes Field. He didn't stop until he was standing on third base with a triple and two rbi! You can see the look of wild excitement on his face:

The fact that George never hit a triple in his entire--albeit brief and unheralded--career does not diminish his moment of glory! He got his hit off of the Orsino Board, the potential inside the park HR. "If only I hadn't stopped for sandwiches," lamented George, "I might have gone all the way!"

And so, the Paul Schaal Award for 1956 NL goes to Gino "Not Ready For Prime Time" Cimoli, a raw kid who has only had two official at bats so far, draped in failure though they may have been.  Congratulations, Gino! Kind of.

Newcombe Rules The Mound (But The Braves Are Still In 1st) : 1956 NL End of June Report

Don Newcombe was silly good for Brooklyn in June, with two 2-hitters and a 1-hitter. His no-hitter into the 9th at Milwaukee was broken up but what a month Don (12-3) had!

The standings:

TEAM W-L GB 
MIL  42-26  --- 
BRK  40-29  2.5  (tied for least times shut out, 3)
STL  40-31  3.5  (best 1-run record 13-7, tied for least times shut out, 3)
CIN  38-32  5  (best x-inn record, 5-0)
PHI  36-35  7.5  (best June record, 19-12)
NY  32-38  11 
CHI  28-42  15  
PIT  25-48  19.5  (worst June record, 10-19. Worst 1-run record, 8-14. Most times blanked, 16.)

TEAM CAPSULES, with June record.

MIL (13-15) The offense, good in April and lousy since, slipped to 7th in the league, barely ahead of sad-sack Chicago. However, the Braves do lead the league in home runs, and that, combined with their stellar pitching, has them still clinging to the lead. Bob Buhl had a rough month, seeing his e.r.a. jump from 2.70 to 4.53, but the big three of Spahn, Burdette and Conley rolled on. Home run hitting machine Joe Adcock hit 7 more in May, giving him 27. However, it was Eddie Mathews who led the Wisconsinites in rbi for the month, with a cool 21. Flyhawk Andy Pafko, hitting .368 in limited duty, will begin platooning with disappointing Billy Bruton (.187) in center. Here's an oddity: Chuck Tanner, babbling something about wanting to manage the Pirates and White Sox, is still perfect, at 4-for4!

The defending World Champs don't want to talk about sharing.

BRK (13-14) Like the Braves, the offense was spotty. If Snider (16, 50, .252) and Hodges (11, 42, .262)  didn't do it, it didn't get done. Carl Furillo (.276, 16 doubles) failed to hit a homer all month. Jackie Robinson is still hitting .315, but lacks a few at bats from qualifying for the leader board. Gino Cimoli (0-for-2) remains locked in mortal combat with George Wilson of the Giants for the coveted Paul Schaal Award. Pee Wee Reese (.268) can't seem to stay on the field. "I'm old," he revealed under questioning.

Free installation!

STL (17-11) The Redbirds made a big move in June, both in the standings and on the trade scene. They moved past the Reds into third place, and even briefly passed the Dodgers into second before falling back. The big trade was with the Giants: basically old stalwart Red Schendienst (.255) and kid flyhawk Jackie Brandt (.238) for shortstop Al Dark and picket Whitey Lockman. A pair of pitchers and catchers also changed addresses. Dark (.302) and Lockman (.294) seem to like it in St. Louis, and now Frank "Trader" Lane can realize his beautiful dream of installing Don Blasingame (.236) at second base, though no one sees why. If the Cardinals can get any pitching besides relic Murry Dickson (7-2, 2.57 w/ Stl) to go along with their crazy gap hitting, the Cards may be a factor. We'll see. 

"What are these 'saves' you speak of, person from the future?"

CIN (12-17) Things went sideways for the Reds in June. After posting a fine 20-9 mark in May and blasting the ball like nut cases, the Reds settled in for a 4-week snooze at the plate in June, only awakening at month's end and remembering how to hit home runs. They have 70 in 70 games--good, but not good enough if they want to win this thing. They aren't going to get there on their pitching, though Herschel Freeman saves what he can. He did not give up an earned run all month and his e.r.a. sits at a nifty 1.09! "Saves? What are saves?" he inquired. Wally Post (8, 30, .225) went so cold that Bob Thurman began getting all the starts in right against right-handers. Big Klu still leads the circuit in hitting, but he stopped even slapping out singles for the most part, and came into the last week of June with just 3 HR all season! He went yard in three straight contests at month's end to double his total, but he just has to wake up for real. The bench is no help. Smokey Burgess (1, 8, .140) and George Crowe (1, 6, .117) have been invisible.

"Omg. Imma explode now, dude."

PHI (19-12)  Good times in the City of Brotherly Love! The acquistion of right fielder Elmer Valo (2, 16, .306) from the American League seems to have sparked the Quakers. He is certainly an upgrade from silly Jim Greengrass (1, 10, .242). "Fire that clerk who delayed the trade for 2 weeks!" came the cry. Even though Stan Lopata (11, 42, .243) poled but a single home run in June, Del "The Black Hole" Ennis went supernova all of a sudden and hit everything in sight! He raised his average from .188 to .255 and sprayed x-base hits all over creation. "It was time," he opined. 

"Trade 'em all!" crows Horace Stoneham.

NYG (15-11) As soon as the Giants quit laughing over dumping Whitey Lockman (1, 7, .217) and Alvin Dark (9 errors) on the Cardinals for Red Schoendienst (.390 post-trade) and Jackie Brandt (.333, ditto), they couldn't wait to run onto the field and see how Willie Mays would do with actual men on the bases! But the devil fools with the best laid plans, and 2, 8, .240 from Willie in June wasn't what they had envisioned. Luckily for them, Hank Thompson (12, 42, .291) went nutty and drove in over 20 runs in the month. In any event, there is no denying that the post-trade Giants look a whole lot more competitive than the sad sack edition from before. And don't forget George Wilson (0-for-4) and his knightly quest to outlast Gino Cimoli! "Hitting isn't nice," he reported to assembled grade school teachers.

The Mighty Moron, straddling the earth like a god.

CHI (14-14)  For a month, at least, the baby bears attained mediocrity! Like all the bottom feeders, their team average rose quite a bit in June, and stopper Turk Lown (1.77) nailed down whatever he was handed all month. Walt Moryn (11, 40, .275)  lost his mind, and Ernie "Sesame Street" Banks finally woke up and hit well over .300 for the month, powering a Cub rejuvenation. Even Jim "From A Jack To A" King  raised his batting mark to .271. 

The Good Shepard entertains kids while recuperating.

PIT (10-19) The Buccos started hitting in June! After being blanked 14 times by the end of May, it only happened twice in June. Bill Virdon (.335 as a Pirate), Dick Groat (.267) and Lee Walls (.275) led the charge. Unfortunately, their pitching, which had been pretty good before, took a dive, and the Corsairs remained the league's doormat. It's just that now they lose 9-7 instead of 1-0. Reserve infielder Johnny O'Brien made his mound debut, and though he gave up one run in one inning of work, the Pirates rallied and he got the win! Catcher Jack "The Good" Shepard broke his neck while trampolining, and was replaced by Hank Foiles, who cranked a pair of 3-run bombs while handling the catching duties. 

PITCHING
MIL 2.46  (Most cg's, 30. Least runs against, 190. Least K's, 287.)
BRK 3.15
PHI 3.38 
CIN 3.48 (tie for least HR against, 45.)
PIT 3.83 
STL 3.85 (most HR against, 71)
NY 3.96 (most K's, 373. Tie for least cg's, 12.)
CHI 4.15 (Tie for least HR against, 45. Tie for least cg's, 12. Most runs allowed, 327.)

HITTING
STL .267 (Most doubles, 127. Most runs, 332.)
CIN .261 (Most GIDP, 58.)
BRK .246 
PIT .237 (Least runs, 236. Most caught stealing, 20.)
PHI .236 (Least HR, 42. Least caught stealing, 9.)
NY .233 (Least triples, 13. Most steals, 44.)
MIL .228 (Most HR, 79. Least doubles, 72. Least steals, 5.)
CHI .227 (Most triples, 35. Least GIDP, 33.)

FIELDING: Least errors: BRK 35. Most, PIT 60. Most DP's turned, PHI 72. Least, BRK and MIL 52 each. 

WINS: Newcombe-brk 12-3, Burdette-mil 10-2, Dickson-stl 10-3, Spahn-mil 10-6, Lawrence-cin 9-6.

ERA (68ip): Burdette-mil 1.52, Spahn-mil 1.52, Newcombe-brk 1.81, Conley-mil 2.03, Dickson-stl 2.40, Friend-pit 2.60, Rush-chi 2.69, Lawrence-cin 2.71, Craig-brk 2.85, Simmons-phi 2.90

Losses: Kaiser-chi 3-10, Friend-pit 4-9, Roberts-phi 5-9, Kline-pit 6-9

SHO: Newcombe-brk 5, Spahn-mil 5, 5 tied with 3

K's: Spahn-mil 93, Jones-chi 84, Friend-pit 79, Haddix-phi 79, Antonelli-ny 73, Newcombe-brk 73

IP: Newcombe-brk 144.1, Spahn-mil 142, Dickson-stl 135, Friend-pit 131.2

CG: Newcombe-brk 11, Spahn-mil 11, Dickson-stl 10, Burdette-mil 8

HR: Adcock-mil 27, Robinson-cin 18, Snider-brk 16, Mays-ny 15, Crandall-mil 14, Bailey-cin 13

RBI: Adcock-mil 58, Snider-brk 50, Musial-stl 49, Boyer-stl 45, Hodges-brk 42, Lopata-phi 42, Thompson-ny 42

AVG (184 ab): Kluzsewski-cin .319, Adcock-mil .311, Boyer-stl .305, Robinson-cin .305, Aaron-mil .300, McMillan-cin .300, Musial-stl .300, Mays-ny .299, Moon-stl .299, Bailey-cin 292, Fondy-chi .292

RUNS: Bell-cin 48, Musial-stl 47, Boyer-stl 46, Robinson-cin 46, Aaron-mil 43, Adcock-mil 43, Moon-stl 43

2B: Jablonski-cin 22, Boyer-stl 19, Musial-stl 19, Snider-brk 18

3B: Bruton-mil 8, Musial-stl 8, Whisenant-chi 7

SB: Mays-ny 26, Gilliam-brk 16, Bell-cin 11, Robinson-brk 10, White-ny 9

GIDP: Jones-phi 11, Jablonski-cin 10, Bell-cin 9, Campanella-brk 9, Musial-stl 9

ERR: Banks-chi 17, Groat-pit 16, Blasingame-stl 15

Goodbye for now from your Impartial Goddess wearing her Braves cap.

 
 

Reasons Why Jim Price Needs To Be Bludgeoned With A Hammer

The Detroit Tigers' radio color commentator is, and has been for many years, Jim Price, a former reserve catcher who played (a little) on the 1968 champions. He kept the ball from rolling to the screen when all-star receiver Bill Freehan needed a day off.  However, for lo these past twenty years, he has been making Tigers radio broadcasts unlistenable. Really, do yourself a favor and have a friend drive a railroad spike through your head, rather than subjecting yourself to Price's inane remarks.

Here is a list of why Price needs to be bludgeoned with a heavy object:

1. "Nice area, great folks!" Price says this about every area that comes up. Upon learning that the opposing team's interim third base coach hails from Slag Heap, Michigan, Price will invariably chirp, with Jaycee-like enthusiasm, "Nice area, great folks!"  in hopes of one day receiving complimentary tickets to the annual Slag Heap Nuclear Fall-Out Festival. At this point, Price seems to think this phrase is a charming personal trademark. Blatant, indiscriminate sucking up isn't that charming.
2. "He really put the buggy whip on that one!"  When any Tigers batter hits any ball hard, at any time, Price trots out this tired old chestnut of his. It only makes me want to take a buggy whip to him. 
3. "Wow!" This one is reserved for things that happen that amaze Jim Price, and that he does not wish to share with the radio audience. "Wow!" is normally followed by a long silence during which the frustrated listener will normally be screaming "Wow WHAT!?" at their innocent radio. This leads us to
4. "You can see that he might have been safe on that play." No, Jim, we can't see anything because this is radio. We can't see the replay that you are obviously watching.  Please describe what happened. Des-cribe. Deeeeescriiiiiiibe. Oh, forget it.
5. "That's the art of pitching, folks!" See "buggy whip" except for pitching.
6. Yellow Hammer. In the bizarre world of Jim Price, curve balls are "yellow hammers." In case you missed it the first four thousand times he recounted it, he and former Tiger Pat Dobson supposedly came up with the term in the late 60's. So, unfortunately, a yellow hammer isn't something you can stave in his stupid skull with.
7. Catcher ego trips. According to Jim Price, catchers run the game, figure all the angles, eat all the sandwiches, and sing Yankee Doodle while jumping through flaming hoops riding on the backs of giant, winged hippopotami.  
8. Jim Price, hero of 1968. Although Price was probably an adequate back-up catcher, that's all he was. To hear him rattle on...and on...and on about it, however, one is left wondering how he is not enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame with his own special wing.  Too bad he is not aboard an airplane, at great height, with no wings.
9. His friendships with notables. Price is constantly recounting his recent encounter with his good friend Al Kaline, or Boog Powell, or John Glenn, or Abraham Lincoln, or Jesus Horatio Christ on a hand car. He taught Mariano Rivera his signature pitch while playing catch. Babe Ruth to slug homers and eat hot dogs. The sun to rise and the world to revolve around it. Moreover, these notables always "look great!", even the alcohol-ravaged wrecks who weigh 92 or 455 pounds and get around on Amigos.

 And I didn't even mention Zuber Buick Jack's Place For Kids Faygo The Party Pop For Over A Hundred Years and all that, stuff he is presumably required to say. So, please Grasshopper, if you meet Jim Price on the road....well, you know what to do.