Friday, April 19, 2019

1964 Final

For anyone wondering, the Cardinals roared past the Giants to take the 1964 NL flag by 2 games before losing the World Series to the Yankees in five games. Mickey Mantle had 9 rbi. 

This blog gets such sparse readership as far as I can tell, that it isn't worth the effort it takes to post. I do post updates at the Facebook APBA group. My next project, already (barely) underway, is 1979 MLB. 

Saturday, February 2, 2019

1964 N.L. End Of August Report

Whoa, hold the presses! The Cardinals, 13 games back at the all-star break, and 9 and a half games out at the end of July, have come roaring from behind while the Giants have stumbled. The Redbirds are now just 3 lengths out, with a month to go. Hang on to your hats!

The NL was basically a win-one-lose-one affair for 8 of the 10 teams during August. The two exceptions were the horrible Houston Colt .45's, who went 7-20 and have lost 41 of their last 55, and the Cardinals, who went 19-9. The standings through August 31st, with August record in parentheses:

SFG  81-51  ---  (13-16)
STL  78-54  3  (19-9)
PHI  72-59  8.5  (16-12)
CIN  68-63  12.5  (15-12)
CHI  66-64  14  (14-14)
MIL  66-66  15  (14-15)
LAD  65-66  15.5  (15-14)
PIT  63-70  18.5  (14-14)
NYM 52-80  29  (12-13)
HOU  47-85  34  (7-20)


Affable Bob says, "May the best team win!"
WINS: Gibson-stl 17-5, Drysdale-la 16-5, Perry-sf 16-7, LeMaster-mil 15-9

LOSSES: Farrell-hou 5-17, Jay-cin 5-17, Cisco-ny 9-16

ERA (min. 130 IP): Drysdale-la 1.80, Short-phi 1.87, Marichal-sf 1.88, Gibson-stl 2.13, Jackson-chi 2.23, Craig-stl 2.60 

CG: Drysdale-la 14, Jackson-chi 14, Short-phi 14

K's: Gibson-stl 178, Marichal-sf 177, Short-phi 176, LeMaster-mil 175, Perry-sf 175

Mr. Drysdale at his day job.
IP: Drysdale-la 229.2, Jackson-chi 222, Marichal-sf 220.3

SHO: 5 tied with 5

SAVES: Pierce-sf 24, Schultz-stl 24, Baldschun-phi 21, McBean-pit 21, Henry-cin 20

BATTING (min. 351 ab): Cepeda-sf .318, Bailey-pit .309, Williams-chi .309, Robinson-cin .307, Clemente-pit .304, Santo-chi .304

Kitty says hello to homers.
HR: Cepeda-sf 33, Mays-sf 33, Hart-ny 26, Pinson-cin 26, Williams-chi 25

RBI: Santo-chi 117, Boyer-stl 92, Williams-chi 89, Pinson-cin 87, Cepeda-sf 84

RUNS: Callison-phi 92, Allen-phi 90, Brock-stl 87, Mays-sf 87, Aaron-mil 86

My legs! I haven't got any legs! Let me out of this wooden box!
2B: Cardenas-cin 42, Groat-stl 37, Maye-mil 36, Robinson-cin 36, Torre-mil 36

3B: Santo-chi 13, Boyer-stl 9, Brock-stl 9

STEALS: Wills-la 41, W.Davis-la 33, Brock-stl 25

GIDP: Boyer-stl 26, Hunt-ny 20

ERRORS: Pagan-sf 35, Groat-stl 31


The fans are sticking right by their team. Pretty much. Well, some of them are.
THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS: It is nervous time by the bay. The Giants turned in the second worst mark in the NL for August and have lost 27 of their last 53. Juan Marichal seems permanently stuck at 14 wins. The offense depends far too heavily on 3 hitters--Mays, Cepeda and Hart. They are the top three homer hitters in the loop, and all have in excess of 70 rbi, but the fourth best run producer on SF is Hal Lanier (!) with just 40. If it weren't for Gaylord Perry, goodness knows where the Giants would be. He just keeps winning when all about him are losing their heads. Injuries to Harvey Kuenn and Jose Pagan had more effect than you might imagine, because it left the team with little maneuverability and no real right-handed pinch hitter. In essence, everything that went right in the first half is going wrong in the second half. It would be an epic choke if they don't right the ship.  

Barney Schultz loves ya, man.
BIRD SEED: Just as in real life, the acquisition of flyhawk and speedster Lou Brock has sparked the Cardinals from the middle of the pack into serious contention. The pitching has really made a return to their April form, when they were dominant. Curt Simmons (such a nice last name!) went 5-0 in August and fireman Barney Schultz picked up 7 saves while Bob Gibson got nasty with opposing hitters. Ken Boyer, who mostly just grounded into double plays in July, went off his nut in August, bashing the ball all over the place. They're the hottest team in the National League and feel like they can take the flag in '64. We'll see. 

Doctors desperately try to save Frank Thomas from a massive overdose of fake testosterone. Oh wait...wrong Frank Thomas. Close!
Quaker Oats:  The Phillies are a rotten tease. They get hot, and look like world beaters, but just when you think they might have a chance, they tank. Rinse and repeat. They do lead the league in fielding, so they don't beat themselves, but perhaps the offense relies too much on Callison and rookie hotshot Richie Allen. Allen knocked down fences in August, but Callison snoozed his way through the month until his torrid July just seemed like a dream. Another problem was reliever Jack Baldschun, who faltered badly and lost his job to Ed Roebuck after notching just one save in a month's time. The Phils acquired slugger and general dipshit Frank Thomas from the Mets some time ago, but had to wait until he healed from an injury before sticking him in the line-up. In his first Phillie at bat, he singled. Whee! But in his second, he was beaned and carried off the field, clutching his 1.000 Quaker batting average to his bosom with his broken hand. It's unclear how he broke his hand while being beaned, but don't quibble with me. The ballclub will be lucky to get a week's work out of the guy before the season ends. 

Another hopeful who just doesn't seem quite good enough.
RED SCARE: Here's a fun fact: even though it seems like they've done little else but lose all season, the Reds have actually only had one losing month. In August, they even put a little bit of daylight between themselves and .500. "We have achieved mediocrity!" they crow, dousing each other with soda pop. (Champagne seemed presumptuous.) This is an odd Reds team for the era. They have pitching up the yin yang, but can't hit to save their lives. Pete Rose struggles just to stay above the Mendoza Line, and it is doubtful whether the kid will stick in the majors--the smart money says "no." You read it here first. Vada Pinson hits homers and drives in runs but is also mired in the .200-.210 range. Only Cardenas and Robinson hit well, and even Robby hasn't been finding his HR stroke with any regularity. With rosters expanded for September, club brass looked to see who could be called up and one. Arriving at Grasshopper Junction, the Reds contingent found Landfill Park padlocked and all the players gone home to their various malaria-ridden towns. There is simply no one to call up. 

Andre gets ready to peg it over to first.
WRIGLEY RANTS: The Cubs sometimes look pretty scary! When Santo, Williams, and Banks all get it going at once, they can beat the pants off anybody. Even Andre "Andre The Cub" Rodgers can hit some. If they get so much as half decent pitching, the club can do some damage. But...remember how Bobby Shantz arrived and settled what had been an erratic bullpen? Well, Bobby's been sold off to Philadelphia, cos, who really likes to win anyway? And so, Lindy McDaniel is once again serving up gopher balls and easy wins to opponents around the league. Nonetheless, any time Ron Santo takes the field, he's worth the price of admission all by himself. He leads the circuit in rbi by a whopping 25!

They have faith in Bobby Bragan.
TEEPEE TALK: Rico Carty is bitter because he lacks ten at bats from being the league's second leading batter, as he was at the end of July. However, a detached tonsil kept Rico shelved for a few days and cost him his spot, at least for now. Hey, remember back in April when Denis Menke looked like a real slugger? You don't? Well, neither does he; he's sucked ever since. While the Braves do lead the NL in runs scored with 618, too often they look meek up there at the dish. 1964 Hank Aaron just isn't your usual Hank Aaron, and Joe Torre pretty much took June and July off, before rebounding with 20 rbi in August. Spare part Mike delaHoz got his average up to .300 in the month, and is rumored to be slotted to take over for .160-hitting Frank Bolling. However, this has happened a couple of times before, and as soon as skipper Bobby Bragan gets an eyeful of delaHoz's "fielding"--mostly a spastic kind of interpretive dance involving kicking the ball away or flinging it into the stands--he reverts to penciling in "Bolling" on his line-up card again, along with his usual doodles, pleas for help, and florid love notes intended for Ginger on "Gilligan's Island." Good heavens, lovey, a Yale man! 

Kindly old poop, or Beelzebub?
SO L.A.: Don Drysdale, the scourge of the league all year, won just once during August, suffering two setbacks and a slew of no-decisions. In fact, the best pitcher on the Dodgers during the month was the ridiculous Phil Ortega, who divided his time between pitching and churning out Mexican food for grocery store shelves. Hitting continues to be the bugaboo for this team. Wills has 41 steals but doesn't get on enough, Tommy Davis languishes in the .220's, and the team sits last in the league in HR with just 64, six less than preposterous Houston. But there's this: the Dodgers are last in DP's turned, with 66, but have also hit into the fewest DP's themselves--66. What does it mean? 

"And then there's Gene Alley....just a 7 shortstop in '64 and his hitting card has..."
PITT-BURGERS: Oh who cares about the Pirates anyway? They hit, they don't pitch, they trundle along in 8th place and that's it. Bob Bailey continues to have a rocket up his butt, and actually has a chance at the batting title, should Orlando Cepeda falter. If that isn't reason enough to disband this bunch, then how about the Strange Case of Bill Virdon? Bill hit under .200 in the first half and over .300 in the second. Meanwhile, Roberto Clemente seems subject to the same bizarre damping field affecting Hank Aaron. He's hitting .304, good for most players, but not for one who is supposed to hit nearly .340. And then there's Willie Stargell, who spent the entire month knocking down fences with bookoo extra base hits, only to finish the stanza with just 12 rbi. 

The Mets bring state of the art methods to bear in figuring Christopher's and Hunt's batting marks!
METS-ALLANEOUS: When I played 1969 NL, the Expos and Phillies did the old switcheroo with each other. The Expos finished 5th in the east with a bad but not awful record, and the Phillies took their place in the cellar with just 57 wins. Well, the Mets have done that with the Colts, it would seem. The Metropolitans finished August with just one less win than their actual season total of 53, while the Colts can't seem to lose fast enough. Joe Christopher (.303) and Ron Hunt (.299) had hot months and both moved into the top ten in batting. Nonetheless, the Mets sit 8th in the league in scoring. When Charlie Smith is your Big Man, you're probably doomed. A veteran of the goshawful 1961 Phillies, Charlie has come to New York to undo first the Mets, and eventually the Yankees as well. But...but...won't the arrival of hurlers Denis Ribant and Tom Parsons make all the difference???? No. 

Houston's new base running coach, shown with a prospect.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM: Ugh. The Colts, as mentioned earlier are on a 14-41 "tear." They have scored a microscopic 351 runs, 119 fewer than the popgun Dodgers. They have 37 fewer doubles than the next lowest team. They are next to last in HR with 70. They don't even run, with a sickly 24 steals (and 24 caught.) September brings opportunity for call-ups from their Slough O' Despond farm team, offering the likes of Johnny Weekly, Walter "No-Neck" Williams and and Dave Adlesh. Goodness, who wouldn't want to sit in mosquito-infested heat-scorched Colt Stadium and watch them stagger to another loss? Skipper Harry Craft can't chug the Lone Star fast enough to keep the despair from enveloping him totally. Food for thought: the Colts "boast" 41 players, more than any other team. Right now they have injuries, but should the team become completely healthy, one player would have to be left off the 40-man roster. Can you imagine being the one player so bad that even the Colt .45's tell you to go home, they can't use you? It could happen.

 See you next time for the final results!
Who will win? Sylvia Plath says she's sticking with the Giants.


Wednesday, January 30, 2019

1964 AL End Of August Report

Hello fans! August is over on the A.L. side of my 1964 replay. The Yanks came back to earth just a bit in the month, which is to say they stopped being superhuman, not that they aren't still winning with regularity. Here's the standings through August 31st, with August record in parentheses:

NYY  87-44  ---  (17-12)
BAL  78-55  10  (16-12)
CHI  75-60  14  (14-18)
DET  70-65  19  (18-11)
WAS  67-68  22  (15-12)
LAA  67-69  22.5  (16-12)
CLE  64-70  24.5  (13-15)
MIN  61-71  26.5  (17-11)
BOS  54-79  34  (10-19)
KCA  46-88  42.5  (7-21)


"Fear me, puny mortals!"
WINS: Chance-la 19-7, Ford-ny 18-8, Peters-chi 17-8, Wickersham-det 17-10

ERA (131 ip min.): Chance-la 1.66, Ford-ny 2.17, Peters-chi 2.20, Bunker-bal 2.46, Osteen-was 2.70

LOSSES: Pena-kc 8-17, 3 tied with 15 

IP: Chance-la 249, Kaat-min 229, Peters-chi 229, Horlen-chi 221.1

From out of nowhere, Arrigo Man!
K's: Chance-la 200, Arrigo-min 170, Lolich-det 167, Wilson-bos 164, Pena-kc 161 

SHO: Kaat-min 6, 4 tied with 5

SAVES: Kline-was 31, Radatz-bos 27, Hall-bal 24, Wilhelm-chi 24 McMahon-cle 23

CG: Chance-la 18, Kaat-min 18, Peters-chi 16

Eddie assumes his fielding stance.
ERRORS: Bressoud-bos 36, McAuliffe-det 35

BA (min. 354 ab):  B.Robinson-bal .310, Fl.Robinson-chi .308, Allison-min .297, Fregosi-la .297, Piersall-la .297

HR: Powell-bal 40, Killebrew-min 37, Mantilla-bos 31, Mantle-ny 29, Versalles-min 29, Wagner-cle 28

"Accept that I am a star or perish!"
RBI: B.Robinson-bal 104, Bowens-bal 103, Killebrew-min 91, Hansen-chi 88, Mantilla-bos 88, Maris-ny 88

RUNS: Versalles-min 93, Aparicio-bal 91, B.Robinson-bal 91, Tresh-ny 91, Hall-min 90

2B: Bressoud-bos 38, Davalillo-cle 33, B.Robinson-bal 33, Tresh-ny 32, Howard-ny 30

3B: Hinton-was 10, Oliva-min 10, Rollins-min 10

SB: Aparicio-bal 57, Davalillo-cle 23, Hinton-was 18

GIDP: Green-kc 23, Adair-bal 21, Skowron-chi 20, Yaz-bos 20


Stottlmyre's medical staff meets over breakfast.
YANKEE DOODLES: Tom Tresh absolutely went off in August for the Yanks, nearly getting into the batting leaders. Let *that* sink in. He was still a dandy little player in '64, but this month he thought he was right there with Mantle and the rest. Meanwhile, Elston Howard, who was scorching hot in July and had taken over the AL batting lead, cooled off badly in August. Rookie phenom Mel Stottlemyre was shelved when he came down with pink eye and chicken pox, the usual childhood ailments. After a few weeks in bed with Mister Cuddle Bear, he is expected back for the final run-up to the inevitable World Series for the New Yawks. 

Brooks and Sam sent away for the brochure.
BIRD DOO: Brooks Robinson is having the season of his life, with Sam Bowens right behind him doing the same. They stand head and shoulders above the rest of the league in RBI, both having already surpassed the century mark. Brooksie also happens to lead the loop in batting average. "It's leg hits," he told reporters with a smirk. Boog Powell's bid for a 50-homer season was derailed when he choked on a plate of ribs and had to leave the line-up for a while, stalling him at 40 dingers. Kid chucker Wally Bunker has been in the league ERA leaders all year, but has only 8 wins to show for it, against 4 losses. He is the king of the no-decision. 

Animated skeletons vie to impress skipper Al Lopez and win jobs as scabs.
SOUTH SIDE HITS: Ron Hansen has emerged as a bonafide run producer, with 88 knocked in so far. Who knew? However, the Good Ship White Sox took on water when as many as 9--yes, 9--players were injured at the same time. In fact, backstop Cam Carreon and kid flyhawk Ken Berry both died and could not be revived. The rest of the team must carry on for the rest of the campaign without their services. This leaves the preposterous duo of J.C. Martin and Gerry McNertney to do the catching. "I got a hit once," bragged McNertney. "Liar!" said Martin, jealous at the very thought. 

...and starring Larry Sherry as The Beaver!
TIGER TALES: I have good news and bad news, Tiger fans. The bad news is, the bats turned to mush in August. The good news is, the pitching over-performed and the team got healthy. As a result, the club was able to forget the misery of July and win as many as 8 in a row during August. Fred Gladding, suddenly iffy, lost his closer spot to Larry Sherry, who notched his first 3 saves. Dave Wickersham went 5-1 in the month and soutpaw Mickey Lolich pitched brilliantly though his .500 record doesn't show it. When Ed Rakow and Denny McLain fell down a hole together, Phil Regan and Buckeye Joe Sparma stepped in to fill the gap. 

"But it wouldn't be make-believe if you believed in me la la la..."
WASHING-TOON:  Just when it seemed safe to make fun of the Senators again...they keep getting back up like a monster in a cheap horror flick. I mean, c'mon, they traded their best hitter, Moose Skowron, to Chicago for freaking Frank Kreutzer. Also, when even I was shamed at my over-use of sore-armed Tom Cheney and sent him off to Crocodile Springs to rest for the remainder of August, one would think they would fade with ass clowns like Dave Stenhouse and Alan "Cokehead" Koch starting games. But, no. With their top hitter for average being oft-injured backstop Mike Brumley at .248, they came back from 4 games under .500 at month's start, to go back over the break-even mark before falling a smidge short at the end, despite a winning month. How are they doing it? That old black magic is as good an explanation as I have, and I played the games. 

He likes Wall Of Voodoo
HOLY WRIT: The Angels have gone 34-24 since July 1st and actually moved into the first division for a day before falling a half game behind the redonkulous Senators again. Dean Chance seems a shoo-in for the AL Cy Young award. The Halos' 2.67 team ERA is a third of a run ahead of any other team. Too bad they suck at hitting, having scored 50 fewer runs than the next wimpiest team. Ancient Joe Adock (23 HR) is their only real power hitter, though Jim Fregosi has an unexpected 20 blasts. When Jim had to sit out a couple of games, the Angels turned to versatile Tom Satriano at shortstop and it didn't turn out well. Lead-footed late bloomer Felix Torres went on a late August homer binge to get his total up to 12. He was interviewed on the Mexican radio but no comprende, what does he say?

He's 3-12 with a million strikeouts! Whee!
TRIBE WAMPUM:  Stupid Cleveland, if they could just once catch a baseball, or throw it, without comical mishap, they might go somewhere. But no, they lead the league with a whopping 161 errors. Add to that the fact that as Daddy Wags goes, so goes the offense. Leon Wagner has 28 HR and 81 ribbies, but the rest of the line-up is a hodgepodge. Gone are the halcyon days of July, when Woodie Held swallowed TNT and hit everything he saw out of the park. He has turned back into a pumpkin. They can't find a middle infielder who can hit Twiggy's weight, let alone his own. On the mound, they have a stable of young power arms, but the results aren't there yet. And the bullpen is superannuated Don McMahon and a bunch of dolts with C's on their caps. "Watch and learn, kids," chuckles Don.

They've been called up to The Show.
MINNY HA HA'S: Okayyyy, HERE's the Twins team we've been waiting to see! The usual home run barrage continued unabated, but the big news is, the pitching did much better in August. Jim Kaat tossed five (!) complete games and increased his win total to 15 while shaving half a run off his ERA. Camilo Pascual found the win column a few times, too, and Gerry Arrigo fanned everybody he could find, to surge into second place in the league in K's with 170 K's in 170 innings. The bullpen still isn't all that reliable, though, placing last in the league in saves, despite mid-season additions. Tony Oliva, a season-long disappointment in terms of batting average, finally woke up and improved his batting mark to .265. Whee. With rosters expanded in September, the Twins now call up everyone who isn't nailed down or dead from their Moldview Unsightly Stains farm club, giving them 40 faces to choose from each day from here on in. 

Therrrrre's Johnny!
BOSTON BEANINGS:  The crew of sedated lap dogs the Red Sox call a pitching staff continues to get shelled at every opportunity, leading to a sorry total of an even 700 runs against so far. Moreover, the hitting went quiet for almost the entire month. Dick Stuart, despite a respectable .280 average, has but 18 HR. Frank Malzone was discovered to be asleep at third base, and except for Yaz and upstart retread Felix Mantilla, the will to win just isn't there. The Carmine Hose don't even have their one claim to fame left anymore, having been surpassed by the Yankees in double plays turned. (See "Malzone, slumber")  Skipper Johnny Pesky is rumored to be on the hot seat, and has, in fact, burst into flames. 

He can't bear to look.
MULE SHIT: The A's staggered through a month in which they won just 7 games and sank ever further into the far reaches of last place. Between them, chuckers Pena, Segui and Drabowsky have taken it on the chops for the "L" 47 times. The A's have been even more generous to opposing batters than the Red Sox, having given up 703 tallies to date. In August, Jim Gentile refused to set down his lemonade and get busy. He swatted just one lonesome HR and knocked in a paltry 5. "I'm resting," he opined. Dick Green did what he could, and Ray, er, Ed Charles surpassed the 20 HR plateau, but it was all wasted effort. Nonetheless, both players insist that they see World Series play in their futures. Stop sniffing glue, fellas. In a last ditch effort, the ballclub called up a bunch of schmoes en masse from their Whiskey River farm team, including personal pet Larry Stahl, who is 2-for-3 with a grand slam in an earlier cup of coffee with the big club. 

Come back in a few days for the NL report. Things have really tightened up!



Thursday, December 6, 2018

1964 AL End Of July Report

July is over, the sparklers are dust, and the Yankees have been torrid--bad news for the rest of the American League! However, the mighty man of the month is a surprise--Sam Bowens, a corner outfielder for the Orioles, went off and knocked in a whopping 35 runs in the month! Whoa Sam! Dint know your own strenth!

Here's the standings:

NYY  70-32  ---  (best July record 23-7)
CHI  61-42  9.5
BAL  62-43  9.5
DET  52-54  20  (worst July record 10-22, best x-inn record 10-4)
WAS  52-56  21  (best 1-run record 22-11)
CLE  51-55  21
LAA  51-57  22
BOS  44-60  27
MIN  44-60  27
KCA  39-67  33  (worst 1-run record 11-21, worst x-inn 2-7)

PITCHING (league 3.67)
LAA  2.70  (most CG 31)
NYY  2.83  (least RA 310, most SHO 17)
CHI  2.99  
BAL  3.31  (most saves 31, least HR vs. 80)
DET  3.47
WAS  3.87  (least K's 529)
CLE  4.19  (tie least SHO 6)
BOS  4.38  (least CG 13, most RA 547)
MIN  4.44  (most K's 737, least saves 14, tie least SHO 6)
KCA  4.57  (most HR vs. 113, tie least SHO 6)

BATTING (league .232)
BAL  .246  (least triples 16, most SB 59)
BOS  .242  (least SB 11, most doubles 161)
NYY  .242  (tie most triples 33)
CHI  .239  (tie least HR 70, least doubles 118, most CS 28)
DET  .236  (tie most triples 33)
MIN  .233  (most HR 140, least CS 13, most runs 477)
CLE  .232  (least GIDP 55)
LAA .225  (tie least HR 70, least runs 372)
KCA  .214  (most GIDP 103)
WAS  .212  

least errors--NYY 42
most errors--CLE 128
most DP's--BOS 106
least DP's--LAA 57


"Behold my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
WINS: Chance-la 15-6, Ford-ny 15-7, Peters-chi 14-5, Wickersham-det 12-9

ERA (min. 102 IP): Chance-la 1.70, Peters-chi 1.85, Ford-ny 1.89, Bunker-bal 2.35, Pizarro-chi 2.41, Belinsky-la 2.54, Aguirre-det 2.69, Downing-ny 2.81, Horlen-chi 2.84, Buzhardt-chi 2.86

Jack is tireless, devoted, hard-working. Cleveland sucks anyway.
IP: Chance-la 196, Peters-chi 180.1, Kaat-min 177, Kralick-cle 175

CG: Chance-la 14, Kaat-min 13, Peters-chi 13

K's: Chance-la 156, Wilson-bos 142, Pena-kc 135, Kralick-cle 121, Wickersham-det 121, Lolich-det 120

SHO: Ford-ny 5, Downing-ny 4, Peters-chi 4

"Here I come to save the day!"
SAVES: Kline-was 23, Wilhelm-chi 23, Hall-bal 22, Radatz-bos 22, McMahon-cle 18

LOSSES: Narum-was 5-13, 3 tied with 12.

"Watch me leg out a nubber!"
BA (min 275 ab): Howard-ny .318, Fl.Robinson-chi .314, B.Robinson-bal .307, Aparicio-bal .305, Fregosi-la .297, Piersall-la .296, Stuart-bos .291, Yaz-bos .288, Hall-min .287, Kaline-det .277

He is humbled to appear on the same leader board with Don Lock.
HR: Powell-bal 32, Killebrew-min 30, Lock-was 24, Wagner-cle 24, Mantle-ny 23, Gentile-kc 22, Mantilla-bos 22

RBI: B.Robinson-bal 80, Bowens-bal 74, Killebrew-min 72, Hansen-chi 69, Pepitone-ny 69, Powell-bal 69

RUNS: Aparicio-bal 75, Mantle-ny 75, Hall-min 70, Versalles-min 70, B.Robinson-bal 69

He should not have eaten that third hot dog. Vic is the AL's leading annoying little bastard.
2B: Davalillo-cle 27, Howard-ny 26, Tresh-ny 26

3B: Oliva-min 9, Rollins-min 8

If Davalillo can just steal a quick 30 bases, it'll be a race! But he would still be annoying.
STEALS: Aparicio-bal 49, Davalillo-cle 16, Hinton-was 15, Weis-chi 12

GIDP: Green-kc 18, Battey-min 17, B.Robinson-bal 17

Mac is the Jose Pagan of the AL.
ERR: McAuliffe-det 28, Howser-cle 26, Bressoud-bos 25, Brinkman-was 22

TEAM REPORTS (with July record)

All the Yankees sent away for this pamphlet.
YANKEE DOODLES (23-7) The Bronx Bombers have gone 44-16 over the past two months to turn a close race into a rout. Ellie Howard has overcome a slow first half take over the AL batting lead! Yankee fans love watching this right hand hitting beer truck beat another one out! But it is pitching that has the Bombers riding high. The worst ERA in any number of innings on the entire staff is Jim Bouton's 3.59. Let that sink in!

He hits better than you, too!
WHITE SOX LAUNDRY (20-11) The Chisox played bang-up ball in July and still lost 3 and a half games in the standings. Gary Peters emerged as the ace of a very impressive staff, even tossing a no-hitter at the Tigers during the month! But the rest aren't bad either, as 3 other Sox hurlers made the top ten in ERA. Hoyt Wilhelm stopped blowing ballgames and now finds himself tied for the league lead in saves. Don Mossi (1.27) and Eddie Fisher (2.06) help out in relief as well. 

Hi, Bob!
BIRD DOO (18-12)  Play it again, Sam! Sam Bowens (16,74,.263) enjoyed opponents' habit of pitching around Boog Powell (32,69,.268) and made them pay with an incredible 35 ribbies in the month. The whole Oriole aviary was flapping its wings and banging out hits. Only Willie "Captain" Kirkland (1,2,.111 in 81 ab) was a dismal failure and is rumored to be on the block. A more successful reserve is Bob Johnson (1,16,.310 in 100 ab) who spells Looie Aparicio when his legs fall off from running the bases. Starting pitching has been a bugaboo for the Birds, with only kid righty Wally Bunker (6-3, 2.35) getting it done when he can manage to stay healthy. Sidearm specialist Dick Hall also is out, and the O's miss him. 

Detroit's drooling dipwad.
TIGER TALES (10-22) Dear me, what an awful month the Tigers just suffered through. They fell from 6 out to 20 out as they just could not find the winning method. Terry Fox (3-6, 4.91) made every disaster worse by showing up with his gas can, while Tiger flyhawks dropped like, well, flies, necessitating starts from Mickey Stanley (.125) and Jim Northrup (.037). They may be fine young men and they may mature into stars eventually, but right now they aren't ready. Backstop Bill Freehan (7,33,.254) hasn't hit as expected, and Don "The Drooling Dipwad" Wert (2,27,.215) only gets hits if everyone promises not to look. Even previous powerhouse Dick McAuliffe (20,59,.226) only hit two dingers in July and saw his average drop 20 points while looking lost at shortstop.

Jim needs no refrigeration.
WASHING-TOON (11-19) What happens when you deal Bill Skowron (12,49,.270 with Washington) for Joe Cunningham (.167) and lefty Frank Kreutzer (0-1,12.73 with Chicago) and then sign ancient relic Roy Sievers (1,4,.059) to replace the fallen Mr. Cunningham? Even Richie knows that's a bum deal. Opposing skippers routinely walk Don Lock (24,55,.251) any time the score is close because there's only retread Don Zimmer (8,39,.240) and Jim "Sky" King (13,41,.178) hitting behind him. And so Don was limited to 6 HR in July, most if not all coming when the game wasn't close. The pitching went all to hell, with ace Claude Osteen (8-8, 2.90) seeing his ERA put on half a run in flab, and previous bullpen phenom "Mrs." Duckworth pouring out his sub-2 ERA and replacing it with 5.40. "I sleep on a bed of pancakes," he confided to reporters before being threatened with demotion to class B Bus Stop City in the Circulatory Ailment League. 

He just wants to be done and go home.
TRIBE WAMPUM (14-17) The Tribe looks good on paper. But Siebert (9-9, 3.91), Tiant (5-8, 4.25) and Sam McDowell (3-9, 4.75) have not lived up to their billing, nor has kid infielder Larry Brown (7,19,.152.) And so, too much has been required of veterans like Jack Kralick (10-8, 3.09) and "Daddy Wags" Wagner (24,64,.260). They do what they can, and bullpen ace Don McMahon has fashioned a nifty 1.14 ERA when not handing out sweepstakes prizes. If the game is on the line, call on super pinch hitter Tito Francona (8,25,.212) who has 3, count 'em, 3 walk-off hits this year.

Bo consults with a local nun about his catechism classes.
ANGEL HALOS (18-12)  The Angels rode incredible pitching to their best month by far. Both Dean Chance and Fred Newman went 5-1 in July, and Bo Belinsky was excellent, too. Even spare part Aubrey Gatewood boasts a 1.66 ERA in 11 starts! The hitting wasn't so great, though, with previously red hot Jim Fregosi (17, 60, .297) slumping to less than .150 for the month. Jimmy Piersall (.296) got on quite a bit at the lead-off spot, but nobody really answered the bell offensively. Goll darn it, Clarence, can't ya whip up a slugger or two? 

Stop that, Neil! You've got songs to write.
BOSTON BEANS (14-16)  When your top two starters are only okay, and your other three have ERAs like 6.84, 5.47 and 5.77, you aren't going far. Dave Morehead (0-5) has reached August without a single win in 14 tries. At least there is lefty specialist Arnold Earley with his 0.88 ERA, and Dick Radatz, with 100 K's in 95 innings to place him second on the staff in punchouts even though he is a reliever. Frank Malzone (4,36,.246) and Eddie Bressoud (9,30,.257) slumped badly during July, but Tony Conigliaro (16,56,.256) and Felix Mantilla (22,66,.235) enjoyed their most productive months. Dick Stuart (14,61,.291) continues to hit everything except the home runs he gets paid to slug. Neil Diamond has not yet recorded "Sweet Caroline", and so the scattering of Fenway fans just sit there during the 7th inning stretch, glumly wondering why life is so hard.

Hitting big league deliveries is so easy, Joe can do it with his eyes closed!
TWINS TALK (13-16) This was the month the Twins would finally make a move, I thought. Boy am I one dizzy broad. Oh, they hit homers like they should, and Killebrew mashed 11 to make it to 30 already,  but Tony Oliva (17,57,.253) just refuses to stop going 1-for-4, and the pitching is still just terrible, though more blame lies with the starters and less with the bullpen, now that Al Worthington (2-1-5, 5.30) and Johnny Klippstein (1.98) have arrived. Worthington's inflated ERA is mostly due to one disastrous outing--he's been good most of the time since being shipped over in a crate from Cincinnati. Emblematic of the Twins pitching woes is veteran Camilo Pascual, who is 4-9 with a 4.77 ERA in 20 starts and he has finished what he started just 3 times. "I'm an opener," he opined. One bright spot was rookie flyhawk Joe Nossek, summoned to the big club from Infection City in the Religious Conversion League. Joe got to bat twice and delivered two safeties for a gaudy 1.000 average! 

The A's team bus arrives at the ballpark.
MULE DROPPINGS (9-18)  Rocky Colavito (20,64,.227), scourge of the AL back in May, hit just one HR and knocked in only 9 in July, his second straight awful month. The Rock's average has fallen some 70 points. With Gentile (22,52,.264) out, the A's need Rocky to regroup! Injuries to several players necessitated the call up of a busload of bushers to impersonate big league ballplayers for a while in KC. The pitching staff avoided these die-offs, but sucks anyway, and leads the loop in homers given up. Skipper Mel McGaha, or whoever it is with the audacity to pilot this train wreck of a team, has no solutions for the shoddy defense and inconsistent offense which has combined with laughable pitching to land the Athletics in the American league caboose. Put on your thinking cap, Mel. Sad statistic for the day: the A's are 17 of 44 in steal attempts. It's enough to make you weep.

"Another great report. Ha!"
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