Sunday, March 26, 2017

Reds Rise Up And Smite 'Spos : Wednesday & Thursday, August 13th & 14th, 1969


CIN 10, MON 3  W-Merritt 8-13 L-Jaster 7-10  HR-Tolan(10) May(23) Fairly(8)  Tolan 6 rbi.

ATL 8, PHI 2  W-P.Niekro 14-9 L-Wise 9-10  HR-Allen(25) Gonzales(5) Francona(5) Carty(19)

HOU 1, NY 0 (10inns)  W-Dierker 13-10 L-McGraw 3-10  Dierker 2-hitter, Martinez GW single.

STL 6, LA 2  W-Gibson 16-4 L-Moeller 11-7

CHI 4, SD 1 (15inns)  W-Aguirre 4-2 L-Kelley 4-3  S-Abernathy(1)  HR-Kelly(2)

SF 8, PIT 0  W-Marichal 14-9 L-Ellis 7-12  HR-Mays(8) McCovey(23) 


CIN 11, MON 4  W-Maloney 14-8 L-Stoneman 4-12  HR-Stewart(5)GS Laboy(17) 

ATL 3, PHI 2  W-Stone 8-8 L-Jackson 12-9  S-Upshaw(23)  HR-Cepeda(16) Aspromonte(2)ph

"Kid, forget about f*ckin' bunts and sh*t. Hit it out!"
The Reds, tired of floundering around and having sand kicked in their faces, exploded against the Expos, drubbing them 10-3 and 11-4. On Wednesday, Bobby Tolan collected six steaks and the next day Jimmy Stewart, filling in for a day for Pete Rose, cranked a grand slam to power the Ohioans. "Well Harvey, how'd ya like my home run, huh?" opined Mr. Stewart to his invisible six-foot rabbit. As for the Expos, with Jerry Robertson out, they are reduced to an all "D" rotation, with two Dw's, including Bill "One Toke Over The Line" Stoneman, who lasted just an inning and a third. Nevertheless, the 'Spos need only go 2-40 the rest of the way to exceed their actual win total of 52. (I always wondered why the '69 Expos weren't at least better than the Padres. In my replay, they are.)

Marty wants Ernest Borgnine to portray him in his upcoming (?) bio-flick.
Larry Dierker and Tom Seaver hooked up in a scoreless duel at the Astrodome that went into extras before Tug McGraw once again came on to blow the game, but at least he got one guy out this time. That lone out aside, the immortal Marty Martinez stroked a walk-off single that scored Joe Morgan from second base. Tom Seaver, for his part, now realizes that even tossing a shutout isn't good enough for a win. 

An interesting fossil.
The Braves dusted the last-place Phillies twice, taking the season series by a 10-2 count. Tito Francona, giving Orlando Cepeda a breather at first base, launched a round tripper, one of three for the Braves on Wednesday, and a refreshed Cha Cha unloaded one on Thursday. Cecil Upshaw, the victim of two blown saves against the Mets recently, managed to get the save this time, despite allowing a run. Reader William sat in the stands heckling him for it, though. 

Juan Marichal is totally cray-cray of late, winning 8 straight decisions and pitching near-perfect baseball. The Pirates could offer nothing against him as he garnered his 6th shutout of the season. 

He hopes that bitch Kimberly won't come to his sweet sixteen party, even though his mom made him invite her.
Bob Gibson, in possession of only a single victory as late as May 11th, has forged into the league lead in wins with 16! He stopped the Dodgers, though it cost the Redbirds the services of Mike Shannon, who went back to Ireland to drink heavily. Phil "Gag me with a spoon" Gagliano takes over the hot corner chores next game.  

Gomez can't keep his mind on the game.
Finally, Van Kelly (who?) jumped out of his hospital bed, threw away his crutches, and blasted a first inning home run for the Friars off of Fergie Jenkins for a 1-0 San Diego lead. It was all they would get. The Cubs tied it later on with doubles by Randy Hundley and Willie Smith. On and on the game went until lefty Dick Kelley--with a second "e"--came on to cough up 3 runs and take the dismal defeat. 14 innings of offensive futility left Pods skipper Gomez foaming at the mouth. "Do you like it, cara mia?" he inquired. After the 2nd inning, the pipsqueak Padres managed only 2 hits!  The Holy Men dropped 10 of 12 for the season against the baby bears, a one game improvement over actual. !!!

Monday, March 20, 2017

Kill The Ump ! : Tuesday, August 12th, 1969


MON 8, CIN 2  W-Wegener 9-9 L-Nolan 3-5  HR-May(22)ISP Staub(24)

PHI 5, ATL 0  W-Palmer 2-5 L-Jarvis 13-7  HR-Taylor(4) D.Johnson(15)

HOU 8, NY 7  W-Gladding 3-4 L-McGraw 3-9  HR-Agee(15) Wynn(17)  J.Alou walk-off sac fly.

LA 6, STL 2  W-Osteen 12-7 L-Taylor 6-8  HR-Davis(13)  

CHI 6, SD 1  W-Selma 8-12 L-Santorini 4-19  HR-Santo(19) Banks(10) Brown(12)

SF 9, PIT 6  W-Bolin 11-10 L-Veale 13-8  S-Linzy(17)  HR-McCovey(22) Hart(8) Bolin(3) 

As he so often seems to be, umpire "Hell" Enkeller found himself behind the plate and the middle of controversy on Tuesday afternoon. In front of fewer than 5500 frozen fans at Candlestick Park, the Giants jumped all over Bob "Hi, Bob!" Veale for 6 runs in two innings, and held a 7-0 lead after three. But Bob "Bolin For Dollars" Bolin was his usual self. That is to say he coughed up 4 runs to make it 7-4 after four and a half. In the top of the 5th, while the Buccos were plating 3 runs, Richie Hebner got run by Enkeller for questioning a strike call with the sacks jammed. "Oh my, how unfortunate," said the gravedigger Hebner, or something like that. Jerry May grabbed a war club and finished striking out for Hebner. 

He was ready to grab a glove and take the field.
The Pirates made it 7-5 in the 8th, but Roberto Clemente was called out on strikes and went insane, getting thumbed by the beleaguered Mr. Enkeller. "Please donate to my charitable causes," quoth Roberto, as he jumped up and down and threw his helmet into the stands. The Bucs were already banged up coming into the game, and with the exit of Hebner and Clemente, plus numerous pinch hitters having been used, hurler Steve Blass had to come in to patrol right field in the bottom of the 8th. He got to watch Willie McCovey's 2-run shot go into the seats. (Willie has just 22 HR's, way under his expected pace.) Leading 9-5, Frank Linzy toed the slab in the 9th and started things off by sneaking a called third strike past Willie Stargell, who slammed down his bat, got in Enkeller's face and screamed, "We are family!" before being thumbed and giving Enkeller the old family look as he slowly departed the field of battle. Still, the Buccos fought on, and plated a run to make it 9-6 and had the bases loaded with two out and former Giant Matty Alou at the plate. Matty had already collected 3 hits, including a pair of two-baggers, and your Most Serene Goddess was talking to his card, begging him not to tie the game, cos there were no more players to put in. Matty obliged by hitting a fly to center for the final out. I am pretty sure I have never had 3 players on the same team thrown out for arguing balls and strikes, ever. 

He stole those glasses from "Hell" Enkeller.
At Atlanta, the Phils' Lulu Palmer astounded the universe by shutting out the Braves 5-0! The Quakers have now won 4 of 5, making George Myatt look like a freakin' genius. 

At Montreal, Lee May's inside the park homer couldn't save the sinking Reds, but it did give the Rhinelanders 3 of the 5 inside the parkers on the season. The five: Deron Johnson, Alex Johnson, Ted Savage, Dal Maxvill and Lee May. 

The Cubbies turned in a workman-like win over the Pods to move within 2 and a half games of the Cardinals, who have stopped hitting again and fell to the hated Dodgers. 

Kids mob Jesus after his winning sac fly.
Finally, the Mets staged a furious rally to take a 7-4 lead into the bottom of the 8th against Houston, with the storied Mr. McGraw on the mound to try to close it out, but he gave up a run in the 8th, and 3 in the bottom of the 9th to blow the save! Julio Gotay contributed a 2-run pinch double, and Jesus Alou lofted the winning sac fly to undo the Metropolitans, who have been playing some very crazy high-scoring see-saw games lately. Tom Seaver faces Larry Dierker tomorrow, and opines that he is "f*cking sick" of matching up with the other team's ace all the time.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Narrow Margin: Monday, August 11th, 1969


CIN 7, PHI 6  W-Carroll 5-4 L-Farrell 1-7  S-Granger(15)  HR-Callison(16) May(21)

NY 2, HOU 1  W-Gentry 12-7 L-Griffin 8-12  HR-Kranepool(8)  Griffin 12 K's.

LA 2, STL 1  W-Sutton 13-7 L-Briles 10-10  HR-Parker(7)  Sutton 2-hitter.

"Lead, shmead!" chortles Fry-boy.
The preposterous Phillies, having already taken 3 of the first 4 at Crosley over the weekend, handed lefty Woodie Fryman a hefty 6-1 lead going into the bottom of the 4th inning on Monday. Then Fry-boy started lobbing nothing fastballs and hanging curves up there, and pretty soon it was 6-6 and Fryman was gone. The big blows were a bases loaded triple by Bobby Tolan and Lee May's first homer since way back on July 5th. Enter Turk Farrell, who tossed three frames and surrendered just one run, but of course, he takes the loss and not the richly deserving Fryman.  

Curt Blefary stands on second base under the useless artificial light of the Astrodome.
At Houston, as the albino Astros become more and more bizarre the longer they don't see the sun, growing gills and evolving transparent bodies, the Mets nipped the Spacemen 2-1 behind Gary Gentry, despite Tom Griffin's third 12-strikeout performance of the season. A 9th inning homer by Ed Kranepool was the decider. Curt Blefary did make it interesting with a two-out roll of 66, but he settled in at second base where he died when Doug Rader made the final out. 

"Hey Mingo, watch me go deep!"
Finally, the extremely annoying Dodgers manufactured a run in the first inning as Wills walked, stole second when Willie "Call me Joan" Crawford didn't offer at an outside pitch on a hit and run, advanced to third when Crawford grounded out, and scored on a sac fly by Mota. The Cards tied it up later when Brock walked and then scored on a double by Shannon, but the Redbirds would only get one more hit--a single by Torre--the rest of the way, while Wes "Call me Fess" Parker boomed a long solo home run and that was enough to give the Dodgers the league's best record and a one game lead in the west. Wills is now 16-0 on the bases since returning to the Tinseltown nine. Your Impartial Goddess may have to start taking potshots at him--and the rest of the stupid Dodgers--with her elephant gun.
Don't worry, I would never shoot YOU, sweetie. Just Dodgers, k?

His Name Is Tommie, And He Became Aware This Year: Sunday, August 10th, 1969


NY 8, ATL 6  W-Ryan 2-1 L-Upshaw 5-6  S-McGraw(20)  HR-Agee(14)GS Tillman 2(12)  Agee 6 rbi, Tillman 4 rbi.

PHI 7, CIN 1  W-J.Johnson 5-16 L-Culver 8-7  HR-Briggs(8) Ryan(8)GS  Ryan 4 rbi.

MON 8, HOU 3  W-Renko 2-5 L-Wilson 9-11  HR-Herrera(6)

LA 4, CHI 1  W-Singer 15-8 L-Hands 15-7

PIT 10, SD 2  W-Blass 14-5 L-J.Niekro 8-10  HR-Stargell(16)  Stargell 4 rbi.

STL 2, SF 0  W-Carlton 14-6 L-McCormick 10-4

If you want to follow him, you've got to play pinball.
Tommie, can you hear me? Usually not, he usually strikes out, but this time he bashed a grand slam and a crucial two-run single to lead the Mets to victory with 6 ribbies against the now second place Braves. The New York nine had built a 5-0 lead, which they promptly blew on a 3-run shot by Bob "Hi, Bob!" Tillman, giving the Braves a 6-5 lead. But for the second time in three games, Cecil Upshaw upchucked the save and the Mets blew by the teepee dwellers for the win. The season series between these two actual division champs ended 8-4 favor of the Mets, just as it actually did. The victory cost the Mets the services of Don "Cardwell Banker" Cardwell for three weeks, though, as Don sustained painful penalties for early withdrawal.

He hit it over the laundry.
At Crosley Field, the Reds' woes grew exponentially as the lowly Phillies took their third in a row from the Rhinelanders, allowing the Cincy nine just 5 runs total. In an explosion of power from all cast-off Boston Red Sox catchers, Mike Ryan took his cue from Bob Tillman and launched a grand slam. This game was actually scoreless through 6 between mound stalwarts Jerry Johnson (stop laughing!) and George "Jetson" Culver. The Reds broke through with a run in the 7th to take a 1-0 lead into the eighth, but the Quaker nine woke up and plated 7 in the final two frames to rout the Reds. The two teams play again tomorrow, to wrap up their season series.  

Chicks dig light-hitting shortstops. Okay, we don't, but this dizzy witch does!
Hard to believe, now, that the Ass-tros actually won 23 of 27 not very long ago. Since then, they've dropped 7 of 8, and they lost again to expansion Montreal on Sunday, victimized by a homer from former 'Stro Jose Herrera, of all people. The pitching has imploded. However, the Spacemen took cruel delight in seeing old friend John "Call me Justine" Bateman being run over by a riding lawn mower. He's mangled and will miss several games. Bobby "Wine Me Up" Wine is also lost, having gone off on a bender with Faron Young. He is expected to take 5 games to dry out.  

Laugh it up while you can, girls.
In a marquee match-up, Bill Singer outdueled Bill Hands (and yes, in the sun). The win put the Dodgers in first place by half a game over the chagrined Braves and by a game over the Giants. Tinseltown flyhawks "Joan" Crawford, "Bette" Davis and "Jane" Russell all smirked and made catty remarks at the expense of your Impartial Goddess, who hates the El Lay nine more and more as the wins pile up. "Don't make me crash your team plane," I remarked casually, and they gave each other a look and STFU-ed. 

"Who is it?"
Finally, Steve "Carlton Your Doorman" Carlton had two hits and scored both runs as he shut out the Giants 2-zip at Candlestick to salvage the final game of a three game set. The Cards split the season series with SF 6-6. They are now done with SD and SF, and travel to LA next, after which they are done flying out west. They're glad, because their little red wings get so tired. Ha, I've got a million of 'em. *rimshot*
Well....HE thinks I'm funny, so there!

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Giants Acquire McMahon, Who McWins: Saturday, August 9th, 1969


NY 5, ATL 1  W-Koosman 12-9 L-Pappas 8-7  HR-Tillman(10)

PHI 4, CIN 2  W-Jackson 12-8 L-Maloney 13-8  HR-Allen(24)

MON 7, HOU 3  W-McGinn 7-3 L-LeMaster 12-12  HR-Bailey(9) Bateman(5) Rader(6)

CHI 3, LA 2 (12inns)  W-Nye 6-7 L-McBean 0-1  HR-Lefebvre(2)

PIT 6, SD 3  W-Hartenstein 4-3 L-Roberts 3-11  S-Dal Canton(8)  HR-Clemente(12) Colbert(9)

SF 2, STL 1 (11inns)  W-McMahon 1-0 L-Giusti 3-4  Davenport GW single.

A super McVeteran!
The Giants, desperate for someone better then Ron Herbel to help out Frank Linzy in the pen, acquired ancient Don McMahon from the Tigers and immediately tossed him into the fray. The gutty ex Brave, Colt .45, Indian, Red Sox, White Sox and Tiger instantly entered the win column as Jim "Couch me!" Davenport dinked a game-winning single in the 11th to down the visiting Cardinals and move the Giants into a virtual tie with the hated Dodgers, half a game back of the Braves, McMahon's original team.  Except for his unfortunate tendency to plug Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes, Don should be a valuable addition.

He absorbed the defeat.
Despite another blast from the suddenly unstoppable Mr. Lefebvre, the Cubs were able to nip the Tinseltown nine and defeat Al McBean(s and weenies) for his first decision all year. Super swing man Rich Nye (The Science Guy) was the beneficiary of the Cubs' good deeds. 

And finally, John "Call me Justine" Bateman unloaded a round-tripper and drove in three for the Expos against his old team at the Astrodome. Current Houston backstop Johnny "Johnny Angel" Edwards gnashed his teeth with envy.
Giant rodent, or sitcom starlet?