Monday, May 29, 2017

Britton Never, Never, Never Finds The Plate : Tuesday, September 9th, 1969


MON 5, PIT 2  W-Stoneman 5-15 L-Blass 15-7  S-Face(16)

CHI 5, NY 3  W-Abernathy 5-8 L-Cardwell 6-8  S-Regan(17)  HR-Swoboda(6)

STL 7, PHI 4  W-Washburn 9-14 L-J.Johnson 5-20  HR-Brock(6) Hisle(9)

LA 5, ATL 2 (14inns)  W-Brewer 4-4 L-Britton 0-2  S-Foster(2)  HR-Jackson(1)

CIN 11, SF 3  W-Maloney 18-9 L-Perry 18-8  HR-McCovey(28) Rose(22) Tolan(15)

SD 5, HOU 2  W-Roberts 5-13 L-Billingham 2-12  S-Reberger(17)  

Britton does not rule the waves or anything else. He's a schmo.
The good news for Dodger haters was that the Dodgers had all sorts of trouble with Milt Pappas and Paul "Popeye" Doyle, and trailed 2-1 going into the 9th at Atlanta.  The bad news is, that the Dodgers then naturally tied the score off of suddenly putrid Cecil Upshaw. Would Sonny Jackson's first and only homer of the season go to waste? Would your Impartial Goddess say bad words yet again at a Dodgers game? The contest proceeded scorelessly until there were two out in the top of the 14th and nobody on. Fatso Jim Britton, pressed into service in the marathon, then surrendered a stupid little bloop single by Jim Lefebvre that barely got over first sacker Tommie Aaron's head.  On the old boards it would have been the third out, but no. How Jim Britton longs for the old boards in use when he was printed and life was good! So upset was he, that he promptly issued walks to Maury "Maur-r-r-r-rice" Wills, Willie "Call me Joan" Crawford and Manny Mota, giving the Tinseltown nine a 3-2 lead. Coming completely unraveled, he then served up a two-run single to Willie Davis. Although Davis was thrown out at second, it gave the Dodgers a 5-2 lead that Alan Foster preserved for the win and the 2-game sweep. 

Mistaken for a small rodent, Rico gets picked up by the Eagle Uber.
Lost in the disgusting spectacle of the latest Dodger win was the untimely death of the Braves' Rico Carty. Rico becomes the first player to go out for the season with an injury after being carried away by an eagle and fed to the eaglets high in their aerie. Sorry, Big Mon! You're bird food! Rico finishes with 21, 60 and .283 as compared to 16, 58 and three forty-something.  

"Watch me get shellacked!"
The Reds completed their dismantling of the Giants pitching staff, jumping on Gaylord Perry for 11 earned runs in less than 4 innings. Gaylord only lasted that long because of the depleted state of the San Franciso bullpen after yesterday's doubleheader slugfest. In his past two starts, Perry's e.r.a. has ballooned from a league-leading 1.64 to above 2.10. Meanwhile, Jim Maloney's crackerjack injury-free campaign continues as he joins the top winners in the league with his 18th triumph. Bobby Tolan homered in each of the three games against the Giants.

"Is 5-20 good?"
In the east...well, who gives a shit about the east anymore? The Cardinals will win it. I would be remiss, however, if I failed to mention Jerry Johnson of the Phillies joining the 20-game losers club. You've got to be a good pitcher to lose 20 games. Wait, no you don't.  Jerry sucks. Nonetheless, wasted Cardinal brass, sprawled amid empty gin bottles, cried, "We MUST acquire Johnson immediately after the season! Give them Flood, McCarver, Carlton, anybody, just get Johnson!" So weird, right?
Ouija predicts a St. Louis win.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Reds Plate 20, Griffin Fans 15 : Monday, September 8th, 1969


PIT 8, MON 7  W-Veale 17-9 L-Jaster 10-12  S-Dal Canton(10)  HR-Oliver(29) Mazeroski(3) Bailey(12) Fairly(10)  

CHI 6, NY 0  W-Selma 10-13 L-McAndrew 10-13  HR-Williams(17) Smith(10)

STL 4, PHI 3  W-Taylor 9-8 L-Wise 10-14

LA 8, ATL 5  W-Mikkelsen 9-3 L-P.Niekro 14-12  S-Brewer(14)  HR-Sudakis(10) Millan(5) F.Alou(4) Carty(21)

SF 8, CIN 6 (12inns)  W-Linzy 8-5 L-Carroll 6-5  S-McMahon(2)  HR-Bonds(22) Tolan(13) May(27)  SF turns 6 DP.

CIN 20, SF 1  W-Nolan 4-8 L-Sadecki 6-9  HR-Tolan(14)  Rose 5 hits and 5 runs, Tolan 4 rbi, Reds 28 hits.

HOU 12, SD 2  W-Griffin 10-12 L-J.Niekro 8-13  HR-Blefary(12) Miller(6)GS Rader(7) Edwards(7)  Griffin 15 K's.

"Let me go right out there and fail!"
It was an action-packed Monday around the league, so let's get to it. To start off with the most important match-up, the Braves were leaning heavily on Phil Niekro to pitch well for them against front-running L.A. because they had to start the two game home set without the services of Henry Aaron, who will return tomorrow. With Atlanta's sliver-thin hopes riding on his performance, Knucksie gave up 4 in the second and 2 more in the third. Gah. The Braves fought back to make it 6-5, but never got any closer. The loss effectively eliminates them from the race. Meanwhile, Bill Sudakis continues his late-season homer barrage for the Dodgers, swatting his 4th since August 28th. 

"I'm woke," quoth Bobby as he circled the sacks.
The Giants played a pair at Cincinnati and won the opener in dramatic fashion when Bobby Bonds, who had up to then gone oh-for-6 with 3 strikeouts, hit a two-run shot in the top of the twelfth to give the Giants a lead they wouldn't relinquish. The blast undid Cincy's earlier rally that was capped off by Bobby Tolan's two-run game-tying bomb. However, the Reds got their revenge in the nightcap, demolishing the Giants 20-1. Ron "Call me Anita" Bryant took one for the team, toiling 5+ frames and surrendering 13 earnies in relief of Ray Sadecki. His suffering saved the San Francisco bullpen for another day. 

Tom Griffin struck out 15 feebly flailing Friars in just 7 innings of work before being decapitated by a line drive off the bat of Ollie Brown. He'll miss two weeks, but should have his noggin reattached in time to make one or two more starts in '69. Jim Bouton finished up, with the Astros bench warmers in the field behind him, marveling at the view from outside the dugout.  

The tiresome Cardinals beat the Phillies on a late rbi triple by none other than hurler Chuck Taylor.  "I am the Taylor's face and hands," he opined irrelevantly as Paul Simon looked on approvingly.

He can't be bothered with sordid reality.
The Pirates took over 3rd place in the east as their hot streak continued with a win over the Expos, though the baby Canadians did give them a tussle right up until the final out. Scoops Oliver's crazy power production continues unabated, as he swatted homer number 29. (He never actually hit more than 22 in any season, and only reached 20 twice. He hit just 17 in 1969, but has the rolls going his way. Also, he has made good use of his 5, with runners frequently on base ahead of him.)

He blinded them with science.
"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction." Thus spake the Cubs' Dick Selma, who blanked the Mets, dropping them to 4th. The win didn't help the Cubbies much, though, what with the Cardinals winning, too. At least they got to stay in second.


Thursday, May 25, 2017

Revenge of The 'Stros and Pods : Sunday, September 7th, 1969


PIT 4, CHI 1  W-Dal Canton 8-6 L-Hands 17-11  S-Gibbon(12)  

PHI 8, NY 7 (11inns)  W-Raffo 2-4 L-McGraw 4-11  HR-Ryan(9) Grote(10)

STL 5, MON 3  W-Briles 13-12 L-Wegener 9-13

CIN 11, ATL 2  W-Cloninger 2-3 L-Stone 9-10  S-Carroll(3)  HR-Carty(20) Johnson(13) Tolan(12)

HOU 6, SF 5  W-Gladding 4-5 L-Linzy 7-5  HR-Burda(4) Menke(6)  Menke 2-out walk-off HR.

SD 14, LA 8  W-Sisk 7-13 L-Moeller 11-9  S-Reberger(16)  Haller 4 rbi.

Everybody's got something to hide except me and my Menke.
The downtrodden rose up and smote a few of their tormentors on Sunday. Let's start with Denis Menke's 2-out walk-off solo shot off of Frank Linzy, putting a dent in the Giants' pennant hopes.  The San Franciscans beat the Spacemen's collective brains in Saturday, 23-0, but it was the Astros who took the series two games out of three. "M-m-m-m-Menke!" crowed jubilant Astro skipper Harry Walker, believing himself to be Mick Jagger in the excitement of the moment. 

Junk food junkie Frank saves the day.
Now we move on to an Diego, where the woebegone Pods exploded against the Dodgers, taking an early 9-2 lead and then hanging on for dear life. They finally did salvage the finale of their four game set with the  Tinseltown nine, winning 14-8. Junkballer Tommie Sisk tied Joe Niekro for the staff lead in wins with 7, even though he pitched pretty poorly and did not survive the 6th inning. Jack Baldschun came on and then gave way to Frank "Double" Reberger, who was required to get the last 8 outs, which he did. And he wants fries with that.

Tom Seaver, he of the mere 12-12 record, managed to blow leads of 4-0 and 6-4 to the last place Phillies. The Quakers finally dispatched the Metropolitans in extras, 8-7. This leaves the Mets as part of a 3-way clusterbunch fighting for second in the east. It seems extremely unlikely that any of them can still make a serious run at the Cardinals, who toyed with the Expos before finishing them off for the sweep at Busch. 

The Cubs, still unable to find their missing offense, carried a 1-0 lead into the top of the 9th against Pittsburgh. However, Don Kessinger's error put the lead-off man on, and 4 unearned runs later, the "L" flag was hoisted over Wrigley. Bill Hands has now lost 7 of his last 10 decisions. As for the Pirates, they have won 8 of 9 and now move on to Montreal.

Mister Friendly, Alex Johnson.
Finally, affable Alex Johnson jumped out of his hospital bed and drove the first pitch he saw into the grandstand for a homer. The Rhinelanders went on to drub the Braves and take 2 of 3 at Crosley for the weekend. 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Giants Demolish Astros 23-0 : Saturday, September 6th, 1969


CHI 4, PIT 1  W-Holtzman 11-7 L-Moose 3-7  S-Regan(16)  HR-Hickman(21)

NY 6, PHI 3  W-Gentry 15-9 L-Fryman 8-14  S-McGraw(22)  HR-Johnson(16)

STL 4, MON 0  W-Carlton 19-6 L-Renko 2-8  HR-Javier(10)

ATL 7, CIN 4  W-Jarvis 15-9 L-Fisher 11-11  S-Upshaw(26)  HR-Cepeda(20)

SF 23, HOU 0  W-McCormick 13-5 L-LeMaster 14-14  HR-Bonds(21)  Bonds and Lanier 5 rbi each, Burda 4 runs, McCormick 2-hitter. Astros issue 14 walks.

LA 6, SD 0  W-Osteen 16-8 L-Santorini 5-22

Bobby hit a three-run bomb late, just to run up the score.
Incensed at having been beaten by the preposterous Spacemen on Friday, the Giants made it look like the men against the boys on Saturday, destroying the Houston club by a whopping score of 23-0. So thorough was this lambasting that lefty hurler Mike McCormick had a no-hitter going into the 8th inning before surrendering a 1-out safety to John "Johnny Angel" Edwards. The Giants poured 17 runs across the plate in the final two innings off of absurd Houston relievers Wade "In The Water" Blasingame and Skip Guinn, the latter of whom's e.r.a. ballooned north of twelve. Astro skipper Harry Walker was on the point of sending utility man Marty Martinez to the hill when he realized that, if he did, he'd have no one to play third, and so Guinn was left in to be shelled further. (Martinez actually did pitch one frame that year and is rated D.) The Giants collected 19 hits, 14 bases on balls, a hit batsman and were safe on errors 3 times. And they did all this with Willie McCovey going hitless, though he did walk. Even silly Hal Lanier knocked in five. It was ugly, fans.

He pretty much sucks lately.
The Braves continue to watch Cecil Upshaw struggle after having been almost unhittable through the season's first half. On Saturday he did notch his 26th save, but let the Reds load the bases before he finally got them out. Pat Jarvis is now the staff leader in wins with 15. "I'm like a god," he opined modestly. 

Albert Camus and Jean-Paul Sartre cheered wildly at Deron's tater.
The Mets ran up a healthy 6-0 lead over the Phillies behind the slants of Gary Gentry before ice-cold, slump-encrusted laughingstock Deron Johnson stepped up and swatted a meaningless three run jack. "All action and endeavor are meaningless in a hostile or indifferent universe," quoth D.J., who nonetheless showboated his way around the bases. 

Al "Losing Pitcher" Santorini
And finally, the Pods barely even went through the motions against the Dodgers, losing 6-0 behind Al "Losing Pitcher" Santorini, who had control problems early but righted the ship and hung around through the 8th. "I know my candy-assed two-bit scrap heap teammates are out there trying to support me in every start, but they really suck and should all be shot," said Santorini, smiling benignly.
The Pods vow to take the final game of their four game set with L.A. tomorrow. We'll see.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

McCarver Knocks In 4, Offers Lengthy Analysis : Friday, September 5th, 1969


PIT 4, CHI 0  W-Ellis 8-13 L-Jenkins 15-9  HR-Oliver(28)  Ellis 12 K's.

NY 5, PHI 3  W-Koosman 16-10 L-Jackson 12-13  S-Taylor(1)  HR-Clendenon(22) Swoboda(5)

STL 8, MON 4  W-Gibson 17-6 L-Robertson 10-13  HR-Bailey(11)  McCarver 4 rbi.

CIN 1, ATL 0  W-Maloney 17-9 L-Reed 13-8  S-Granger(18)

HOU 5, SF 2  W-Ray 7-3 L-Perry 18-7  S-Gladding(9)

LA 2, SD 1  W-Sutton 17-8 L-Kirby 3-16  S-Mikkelsen(17)  HR-Sudakis(9) Murrell(1)

148  games left.

"And then for my third rbi...gee, I hope I'm not boring you!"
The Cardinals made short work of the infant Expos at Busch Stadium on Friday, riding 4 ribbies from backstop/color man Tim McCarver and 3 from the newly-healed and suddenly productive Vada Pinson. Five errors by the suddenly sloppy Redbirds did nothing to dampen their victory. McCarver offered lengthy analysis of his 4 ribbies, reminding many of Ted Striker. 

To Itchycoo Park, that's where he's been.
Dock Ellis--the one the Bucs have waited all season to see--finally showed up, fanning a dozen Cubs as the Pirates won their 7th straight game. Al Oliver continues to smoke NL pitching, notching his 28th homer, while Dock just smokes whatever's handy. 

A home run barrage from Donn Clendenon and Ron Swoboda staked lefty Jerry Koosman to a 5-0 lead against one of his several future teams, and he held on for a 5-3 decision over the Phillies. "I stay in the now," he opined, mystically.  Donn Clendenon now has 6 blasts as a Met.

"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me!" taunted Jim.
The banged-up Reds plated one run, courtesy of an rbi single by Darrel Chaney, and fireballer Jim Maloney made it stand up, with relief help from Wayne Granger when the Braves put two on in the 8th via the base on balls. Maloney barely escaped with his life, let alone the win. On a result of 38, he would have been destroyed limb from limb while covering first had the Reds been fielding one or fielding three, but they were fielding two at that moment and so the Braves' Henry Aaron took the fall into the threshing machine instead. He'll miss 3 games, which is very bad news for the Atlantans. They are having trouble scoring runs anyway, and now must put a popgun in right field instead of a cannon.  As for Mr. Maloney, he sat at his locker after the game, polishing his untouched J-3 rating, and wearing a big shit-eating grin.

The much-dealt Mister Davis. If it's Friday, this must be Houston!
At Houston, the Giants flag hopes took a hit when Gaylord Perry got roughed up by the disrespectful Spacemen, who were seemingly unimpressed with his league-leading e.r.a.  When Rooster Rader bisected himself on a railing while going for a foul pop, Marty Martinez shifted to third and in came new acquisition Tommy Davis, who drove in 3 after entering the fray.  The Giants are dismayed at seeing their two aces, Marichal and Perry, lose back to back against crap teams.  In Astro news, Fred Gladding's save was their first since July 20th.

Padre pipsqueak, or folk-singing purveyor of hokum? Neither! It's Big Daddy. "Brick!"
Finally, Don Sutton outdueled kid chucker Clay Kirby 2-1, despite a late blast off the bat of Ivan Murrell, not to be confused with Burl Ives. It was Ivan's inaugural blast of the year. The Tinseltown nine garnered just 3 hits, but eked out the win against Kirby, who once again pitched well but lost. "I know my wimp-ass, no-talent, busher teammates are out there trying their best every day," he proclaimed magnanimously.
Born to lose. He's toed the slab in vain....


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Cross-Divisional Play Ends : Wednesday & Thursday, September 3rd and 4th, 1969

Scores, September 3rd

PIT 5, ATL 1  W-Veale 16-9 L-P.Niekro 14-11  HR-Oliver(27) 

LA 2, NY 1  W-Bunning 11-9 L-Cardwell 6-7

SD 3, PHI 2  W-Reberger 6-11 L-Wise 10-13  HR-Wise(2) Stahl(10)  Murrell 2-out 2-run walk-off double.

MON 6, SF 4  W-Jaster 10-11 L-Marichal 16-11  S-Face(15)  HR-Staub(28)

Thus ends cross-divisional play for the season. The west ends up 20 games over .500 against the east.

Score, September 4th

LA 9, SD 2  W-Singer 20-8 L-Roberts 4-14  HR-Wills 2(6) Kosco(14)  Wills 6 rbi.

"Hi! I'm Maury Wills!"
On Wednesday, the Dodgers squeaked across a pair of runs against the newly-healed Don "Cardwell Banker" Cardwell, but the Mets could do nothing with superannuated Dodger hurler Jim Bunning until the 9th, when they plated one and had runners at the corners with nobody out. However, Jerry Grote hit a stupid grounder to the drawn-in infield and the runner from third was a dead duck at the plate. That's as close as the Mets would get. On Thursday at San Diego, Tinseltown chucker Bill "The Singer Throwing Machine" Singer became the league's first 20-game winner, downing the preposterous Padres 9-2. He was backed by a pair of homers off the unlikely bat of speedster Maury Wills. The blasts were Maury's first since rejoining the Dodgers, and both came right-handed, off Dave Roberts and Billy McCool. And so, the Tinseltown nine takes over first place in the west by one game.

He garnered his 10th win. No one knows how.
The Giants were feeling good about themselves, having jumped out to a 4-1 lead behind their ace, Juan Marichal. But lo and behold, the infant Expos battled back. Twice, Rusty Staub came up with a runner in scoring position and first base open, and twice Giants mastermind Clyde King ordered him walked. This led to Coco Laboy twice singling in a run to make it 4-3. The situation came up a third time later in the game, and a chastened King elected to pitch to Staub and paid the price when Le Grand Orange smacked that pea into outer space to give the 'Spos the lead. And Laboy? He flied out, naturally. It was the second time recently that Larry "Court" Jaster has outdueled the great Marichal, with Staub connecting in both contests.

Ivan Murrell connects for a walk-off two-bagger.
Rick Wise's own 2-run bomb seemed to stand him in good stead against the Pods, but the wheels came off in the bottom of the 9th when Ivan "The Terrible" Murrell swatted a 2-out, 2-run game-winning double to undo Mister Wise. Murrell then declared himself Czar Of All The Russias. Those wacky Pods! 

Braves fans implore their team to hang in there.
Finally, the Buccos completed their sweep of two at Atlanta, to extend their winning streak to 6. The Pirates are in 4th place, but just a half game behind 3rd place New York, and just 2 games in back of 2nd place Chicago, who they visit next. Pittsburgh has seemed to be about to make a move before, and they always fall flat again, so we shall see. Meanwhile, what's become of the Braves? They sat in first place at the end of July and seemed like the most consistently strong team in the west, but they have gone just 13-16 since then. Hank Aaron has cooled from his torrid pace of high summer, and no one else has stepped up to take up the slack except for Orlando Cepeda, who can't do it all by himself. Things seem nearly hopeless now for the Atlanta club, 7 games back with 3 teams ahead of them.

Legal stuff: "The Court Jester", pictured above, is by Tyler Robbins. 

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Tom Terrific Schools The Tinseltown Nine : Tuesday, September 2nd, 1969


CIN 4, CHI 0  W-Merritt 10-14 L-Hands 17-10  HR-May(26) Bench(13)

HOU 5, STL 4  W-Griffin 9-12 L-Hoerner 9-7  Miller 1-out walk-off double.

NY 3, LA 0  W-Seaver 12-12 L-Moeller 11-8  

PHI 4, SD 3  W-Palmer 3-6 L-Baldschun 3-3  S-Wilson(12)

Your Impartial Goddess loves Tom.
Enter Tom Terrific to stop the madness! Tom Seaver schooled the dissipated,  coked-up, disease-ridden Tinseltown nine as your Impartial Goddess cheered wildly from the stands. Tom mowed down the Dodgers and was backed by a 2-run Tommie Agee triple, followed by a sac fly by Ed Kranepool. Seaver allowed just 2 hits until the 9th, when the Dodgers just couldn't help being annoying and loading the bases with two out, but that brought up Jeff "Burger Chef & Jeff" Torborg, who failed and ended the game. With Tom Haller injured and emergency backstop Ted Sizemore out of the game for a pinch hitter, he had to bat. Awww, too bad! Ha!

Miller turned on a hanging curve ball!
In Houston, the Cardinals jumped all over Tom Griffin, who seemed about to face the same sort of shellacking that the Redbirds handed out to Don Wilson on Monday. They took a 4-0 lead, but then Griffin righted the ship and started tossing shutout ball. The Astros got one back, and then sloppy fielding--3 errors!--allowed the game to be tied at 4. Up stepped Norm "Mrs. Miller" Miller, who promptly greeted Joel Hoerner with a walk-off double that scored pinch runner Hector Torres for the stirring win. Normal Norm then screeched his way through "My Way" in celebration!

Bill Hands, the scourge of the National League for most of the year, has now lost 6 of his last 9 decisions with his defeat at the hands of Cincinnati on Tuesday. A pair of two-run bombs did him in as Jim Merritt tossed the whitewash at Crosley.

Finally, in the all-important Battle Of The Basement, the Phillies ran their record against the Holy Men to 8-3 with a rare one-run win, 4-3. The Pods had scored a pair to tie the game late, but former Phillie Jack Baldschun was undone by a Nate Colbert error and the Quakers took the "W." After not notching any saves since July 15th, Billy Wilson has two in two days. Tom Hanks must be so pleased! At least the Phils can beat somebody, even if it is just the lowly Friars.
Take that, monk boy!

Steve Huntz Goes Yard, Pigs Fly, World Ends : Monday, September 1st, 1969


PIT 4, ATL 1  W-Dal Canton 7-6 L-Upshaw 6-8  S-Gibbon(11)  HR-Stargell(23)

CHI 11, CIN 5  W-Selma 9-13 L-Culver 8-8  HR-Williams(16) Rose(21)

STL 13, HOU 1  W-Briles 12-12 L-Wilson 10-12  HR-Javier(9) Huntz(1)  Torre and Javier 4 rbi each.

LA 10, NY 3  W-Osteen 15-8 L-McAndrew 10-12  Sizemore 4 rbi.

PHI 3, SD 1  W-Fryman 8-13 L-Santorini 5-21  S-Wilson(11)  HR-Briggs(11)

SF 18, MON 10  W-Herbel 5-2 L-Stoneman 4-15  HR-Jones(15)  Jones 4 rbi, Hunt and McCovey 4 runs each, Henderson 4 rbi, Giants 22 hits.

He can hardly lift it!
Imagine the embarrassment, itching and discomfort that Houston fans felt when they watched puny Cardinals' reserve shortstop Steve Huntz go yard as part of a 13-1 thumping against the home team. The only Astro run was driven in by hurler Don "Candygram" Wilson, who unfortunately didn't pitch as well as he hit. Meanwhile, St. Louie second sacker Julian Javier is on some kind of crazy hot streak. "I'm Hack Wilson!" he screamed as he took the field. Leave those greenies in the trainer's room, Julian.

"Hi! My name is Willie Davis!"
Aping their Anaheim neighbors, the Dodgers have had their moniker officially changed from "Los Angeles Dodgers" to "%$#@ Dodgers!" I very rarely do not enjoy a game of APBA, but this team is grating so bad against my last nerve that I am about ready to toss the whole envelope off the freeway overpass. Every game lately, they score in the bottom of the first, within a few batters, and always the same way. By the 4th they have built a big lead and coast to victory without even the chance that they might drop one. Single, double, single, walk, steal, single single, triple, game over. This team was last in the NL in steals before they reacquired Maury "I Leave You Nothing In My" Wills. Naturally *he* steals bases, but, upon seeing this, Willie Davis suddenly thinks he's Vince Coleman. Both of them steal a base every single game, it's nuts. And their luck, it's off the charts. My elephant gun picks off backstop Tom Haller, so in comes .176-hitting Jeff "Burger Chef & Jeff" Torborg, who goes 3 for 4 with a run and 2 rbi.  All this while dotty old Walter Alston drools in a corner, playing Old Maid with "Jim" -- a water bucket with a face painted on the side, a gift from his grateful team. 

Success drove him mad.
In an all-important clash of basement-dwellers, the Phillies polished off the Friars with help from homer-hitting Johnny Briggs. "Name Detroit's stadium after me!" he demanded insanely, but it wasn't to be. Still, a win is a win is a win, though you could have fooled Friar hurler Al "Losing Pitcher" Santorini, who turned in a quality start but lost as usual anyway. "What's a quality start?" he wanted to know.  

Now warming up to Frank Linzy in the bullpen....
Finally, Bob "Bolin For Dollars" Bolin was hit harder and more often than a pinata, but the Giants pasted Expo pitching so badly that it didn't matter, and the Jints stayed tied with the %$#@ Dodgers at the top of the west. It was a merry-go-round of Giants base runners who amassed 18 runs on 22 hits. However, their own chuckers were almost as ineffective, and closer Frank Linzy finally had to be summoned to notch the final two outs. "What's a closer?" he wanted to know. Ask Karen Carpenter, Frank. Just like me, she wants to be....oh never mind.  

Music to watch the SF offense by:

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Sunday, August 31st, 1969 and End of Month Leader Board


ATL 2, CHI 1  W-Jarvis 14-9 L-Jenkins 15-8  S-Upshaw(25)

CIN 7, STL 3  W-Carroll 6-4 L-Gibson 16-6  HR-Tolan(11) Perez(23) 

PIT 6, HOU 2  W-Gibbon 5-6 L-Gladding 3-5  S-Dal Canton(9)  HR-Clemente(13) Morgan(13)

LA 4, PHI 0  W-Sutton 16-8 L-Jackson 12-12  HR-Sudakis(8)  Sutton 1-hitter.

MON 6, SD 4 (10inns)  W-Face 3-7 L-Reberger 5-11  HR-Staub(27) Kelly(3) Pena(3)  Staub 4 rbi.

SF 3, NY 2  W-Perry 18-6 L-Koosman 15-10  HR-Agee(16)  Perry 2-hitter.

SF 9, NY 3  W-McCormick 12-5 L-Gentry 14-9  HR-Clendenon(21) Swoboda(4) Burda(3)

August is over! 803 games played, 169 to go in my replay. The Dodgers and Giants find themselves in a virtual tie for first in the west going into September, while the Cardinals lead Chicago by 5 and a half, and the Mets by 6 and a half. The Giants posted the best record in August at 21-7, followed by the Dodgers at 20-8. The worst two teams were the Phillies and Astros at 8-20 (coming on the heels of Houston's 21-5 July. What a season.) Each team has just one cross-divisional series left, then it's all within their own division after that! Now, how about those stats...

NY  2.83 (least runs against, 421)
CHI  2.89 
STL  2.91 (most CG, 65. most shutouts, 18)
ATL  3.06
LA  3.23 (most saves, 32.)
SF  3.30 (least K's, 740.)
HOU  3.71 (tied for least saves, 12.)
PIT  3.71 (most K's, 939)
CIN  3.87
MON  4.48 (least CG, 24.)
PHI  4.53 (tied for least saves, 12.)
SD  4.85 (most runs allowed, 734. least shutouts, 2.)

CIN  .270 (most runs, 660. least caught stealing, 21.)
PIT  .269 
LA  .260 (tied for most triples, 45. least times shut out, 6.) 
ATL  .255 (most home runs, 126. tied for least triples, 20. tied for most caught stealing, 41.)
SF  .253 (tied for most caught stealing, 41.)
STL  .252 (least home runs, 53.)
MON  .251
CHI  .244 (tied least triples, 20. least steals, 31.)
HOU  .241 (tied most triples, 45. most steals, 99. most doubles, 203.)
NY  .228 (least doubles, 136.) 
PHI  .225 (most times shut out, 20)
SD  .212 (least runs, 406.) 

FIELDING (avg is IP divided by errors.)
STL  14.34 (least errors, 86.)
ATL  12.88 (most DP's turned, 163.)
CHI  12.71
CIN  11.57
LA  10.20
NY  10.03
SF  9.88
PIT  9.24
MON  8.87
SD  8.76
PHI  8.70
HOU  7.91 (most errors, 150. least DP's turned, 86.)

Random team stuff:
best 1-run record SF 27-15, worst PHI 12-29
best x-inn record ATL and STL 12-6, worst  PHI 5-14

Player of the Month--Bobby Tolan, Cincinnati. He drove in 30 runs in August!

WINS: Singer-la 19-8, Carlton-stl 18-6, Perry-sf 18-6, Hands-chi 17-9

ERA: Perry-sf 1.64, Hands-chi 1.99,  Gibson-stl 2.09, P.Niekro-atl 2.14, Marichal-sf 2.17

Al "Losing Pitcher" Santorini
LOSSES: Santorini-sd 5-20, J.Johnson-phi  5-19

SHUTOUTS: Dierker-hou, Marichal-sf, Perry-sf, and Singer-la all with 6.

IP: Hands-chi 257.2, Carlton-stl  249.2, Maloney-cin 243.2, P.Niekro-atl 243.2

Her door man rocks.
K's: Carlton-stl 196, Singer-la 190, Jenkins-chi 183, Wilson-hou 178, Hands-chi 177 

CG: Carlton-stl 21, Hands-chi 20,  Koosman-ny 20, Marichal-sf 20

SAVES: Upshaw-atl 25, McGraw-ny 21, Granger-cin 17, Mikkelsen-la 16

ERRORS: Morgan-hou 34, Arcia-sd 29, Money-phi 29, Sizemore-la 29

AVG (353 ab): Rose-cin .364, McCovey-sf .355, Davis-la .347, Mota-la .347, Jones,ny .343, Hebner-pit 325, H.Aaron-atl 323, Oliver-pit .322, Tolan-cin .318, Johnson-cin .317

HR: H.Aaron-atl 40, Allen-phi 30, McCovey-sf 27, Staub-mon 27, Oliver-pit 26

RBI: Staub-mon 105, May-cin 103, McCovey-sf 97, Oliver-pit 97, H.Aaron-atl 96

RUNS: Rose-cin 114, Bonds-sf 106, Wynn-hou 104, Brock-stl 100, two tied with 89.

DOUBLES: Kessinger-chi 33, Laboy-mon 33, 3 tied with 29.

TRIPLES: Davis-la 11, Sanguillen-pit 11, 3 tied with 10.

STEALS: Morgan-hou 52, Bonds-sf 50, Wills-la 43, Brock-stl 38, Wynn-hou 30

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Stupid Dumb-Butt Dodgers Back In 1st : Saturday, August 30th, 1969


ATL 9, CHI 0  W-Pappas 11-7 L-Holtzman 10-7  HR-Cepeda 2(19)  Cepeda 4 rbi.

STL 4, CIN 2  W-Carlton 18-6 L-Nolan 3-8

PIT 4, HOU 0  W-Moose 3-6 L-Ray 6-3  HR-Stargell(22) May(5)

LA 8, PHI 1  W-Singer 19-8 L-J.Johnson 5-19  HR-Sudakis(7)

SD 4, MON 1  W-Roberts 4-12 L-Renko 2-7  S-Reberger(15)

NY 6, SF 2  W-Ryan 3-1 L-Sadecki 6-8  HR-Clendenon(20)GS 

And that's the abridged edition.
Well how about that. The Dodgers steamrollered over the pathetic Phillies, stringing singles and doubles together early to build an annoyingly comfortable lead and then making me roll the whole the rest of the game just for "fun." Now, look at the west standings! Dodgers in first! Puke puke puke puke. Your Impartial Goddess is not pleased.

"You mean to tell me I was supposed to keep hitting?"
Meanwhile in San Francisco, the Mets rode a 5th inning grand slam by Donn Clendenon to victory over the Giants, dropping the Jints a half game back of the irritating Dodgers. For their part, the Mets drew to within just half a game of the second place Cubs, and for his part, Clendenon hit just his 4th homer as a Met, after slugging 16 for the Expos. Nolan Ryan pitched into the 6th inning, fanning 10 and walking 5. 

"Why did we beat the Expos? Because they were there!"
In a mighty clash of infant expansion teams, the Padres drubbed the Expos for the second day in a row, and in fact, beat their expansion cousins for the fourth straight time. With the win, the Pods smash the 40-win plateau! "Where are my ice ax and crampons?" demanded high-climbing Friar skipper Gomez after the game. 

"Something here stinks. Oh! Of course. It's Ken Johnson!"
The Cardinals, also known as the Walking Dead, won anyway behind Lou Brock's three-run double and the pitching of Steve "Carlton Your Doorman" Carlton. This sent the second place Cubbies spiraling 5 and a half games out, after dropping a 9-0 decision at Atlanta. Braves' first sacker Orlando Cepeda failed to come through three straight times with men on base, but in at-bats 4 and 5, he hit 2-run blasts both times. Recently acquired punching bag Ken Johnson has seen plenty of action for Chicago, eating innings and being blown up by opposing hitters. 

Next post: August 31st results and end of month leader board.


Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Marichal Outduels Seaver ; Braves Shock Cubs : Friday, August 29th, 1969


ATL 4, CHI 3 (11inns)  W-Upshaw 6-7 L-Hands 17-9  HR-Santo(21) H.Aaron(40)  Gonzales 0-out GW sac fly.

CIN 12, STL 5  W-Maloney 16-9 L-Washburn 8-14  HR-Javier(8)  Javier 4 rbi, Reds 21 hits, 20 of them singles.

PIT 11, HOU 9  W-Veale 15-9 L-Dierker 13-13  S-Hartenstein(5)  HR-Oliver(26) Morgan 2(12) Wynn(21)  Morgan 4 rbi.

LA 6, PHI 4  W-Bunning 10-9 L-Wise 10-12  S-Brewer(13) 

SD 7, MON 1  W-Ross 2-1 L-Jaster 9-11  HR-Sipin(2) Colbert(10) 

SF 3, NY 2  W-Marichal 16-10 L-Seaver 11-12  HR-Kranepool(9) Grote(9) McCovey(27)

Tony Gone escaped San Diego for a beautiful new life in Atlanta.
The Cubs seemed to have victory well in hand Friday night at Atlanta, holding a 3-1 lead with 2 out and nobody on in the bottom of the 9th with Bill Hands on the hill facing weak-hitting shortstop Sonny Jackson. But Jackson singled, and pinch hitter Tony Gonzales doubled him in to make it 3-2. With lefty Hank Aguirre fairly twitching with eagerness in the Chicago bullpen, Leo Durocher elected to stick with Hands, who promptly served up a single to Mike Lum to tie the game. Two frames later, with Hands still nailed to the rubber, Gonzales again victimized him, this time with a sac fly that ended the game. 

Talk about clutch!
In San Francisco, Jerry Grote's late home run had given the Mets a 2-1 lead going into the bottom of the 8th. Hard luck hurler Tom Seaver was looking strong and retired Bonds and Hunt, but gave up a single to Willie Mays. At that moment, it was Mays's third hit *and* the Giants' third.  But Willie McCovey quickly added a fourth, a towering two-run blast to shock the Mets and send the San Fran faithful into paroxysms of joy. Not feeling as joyful was Mets right fielder Art Shamsky, who kept mumbling something about "I got to boogie woogie like a knife in the back!" Upon investigation, the New York flyhawk did indeed have a blade in his backside and will miss two weeks. No sea cruises for him.

Beware of Chucky.
At the Dome, Pittsburgh ran up an 11-5 lead going into the bottom of the 9th, but the crappy, er, I mean scrappy Astros clawed back with four runs off three relievers before skinny little Chuck Hartenstein put out the fire with runners on second and third to end the game. The Buccos were the only east team to win on Friday, and the 'Stros the only west team to lose.

Like Bob Veale, Jim Maloney had no problem accepting the garbage win.
The suddenly hobbled Cardinals wobbled into Crosley Field missing several feathers, as Pinson, Gibson, McCarver, Maxvill and Shannon all began molting at once and couldn't play. The Reds showed no mercy as Ray Washburn, starting in place of Gibson, was shelled. Jim Maloney wasn't exactly sharp, surrendering a three-run jack to Julian Javier and walking 8, but the Cards' "B" team couldn't come close to competing on this particular day. "We'll eat some millet and shit in our cages and hope to do better tomorrow," opined skipper Schoendienst.

Finally, Jim Bunning--thanks to a trade from Pittsburgh--has had the opportunity to pitch against his old Philadelphia pals an ungodly number of times this season. He dispatched them on Friday, as the Dodgers did what the Dodgers do, lucking out, getting all the breaks, and basically making your Impartial Goddess want to beat them senselessly about the head and body with a good stout plank. *They* never get injured, it seems, but, naturally, the Phillies big gun, Rich Allen, who has been on a home run tear all month, goes down with an infected sideburn and will miss the rest of this series and all of the ensuing meaningless one with San Diego. It couldn't happen any other way.